I must admit, I did not read all of your thread. I did notice, however, that there are many good people on here who are trying to help you. Gosh, I wish you knew how confused I was when I joined DB last year, and how worse it got as time went on.
I have only read a few of your posts because there are so many, but one did catch my eye. And, no, don't ever give up if you still love him. Trust me when I say NOTHING I did ever worked to get him back, and I have been separated now for over a year. He's still out there, and we still talk on the phone, but he absolutely refuses to see me. He threatens to call the sheriff every time he has to come over to the the house, if I am here. He does still like to come home as long is I am "not here." I have only seen my H for brief moments, about 10 times in the past year.
Anyway, to get back to my discussion about your post that caught my eye. It was something about what you should do? My BEST advice for you is to do WHATEVER he asks you to do. He is TELLING you what he wants. I could never get that for a long, long time. But take today for instance. We were talking on the phone and he said for me to "leave him alone." I asked, "You mean you don't ever want to talk to me again." He said, no, just leave me be for now. I cannot tell you how many times he has told me to do this in the past year, and I always do as he asks. Then, after a few weeks, or a month, I'll "test the waters," as the DB guidelines say to do. I can't remember where I read it, but it is there. If your H wants you to "look up his phone number on the internet" THEN DO SO. He's TELLING you that this is what he wants you to do. He WANTS you to find his phone number, so I can only believe that he KNOWS it is possible.
