What to do when H doesn't contact?

[mnt_dreams]

It's so hard when there's NC, especially with kids involved. Keep busy, and keep giving it back to God. You can't control H. Only yourself. Work on yourself and let God take care of the rest.

Hugs!

[K4D]

I'm in agreement. I struggle with the same thing and just need to let God handle it while I still pray and then go on fixing me.

Kevin

[mac-ct]

[quote}I wish I didn't think all of the time about my H but I do. I just don't get why the NO contact thing at all! He said he would contact our D last Monday and still nothing at all.[/quote]

Been there doing that to the first part. It just doesn't worry me today.

Lost - don't fret about it. Find something else to do. Anything to take your mind of H. I know it's hard but the strangest of things will crop up. Invites, movies - anything. You may not feel like doing them but just do.

H is another pillock in a daze. There is no knowing the answer to "why". He doesn't himself.

You just keep loving yourself and your D. THAT's the important thing right now.

Hugs Lost!

Mac

[Goodfight]

Thanks MD and Kevin! That's what I'm trying to do just let God take over, well that's really what I gave to God because I have no way and don't want to control H.

I just hate watching our D and my S suffer from all of this!

Mac, you are so right and I have to keep that in mind! H has NO idea why he is doing what he is doing. He would even say one thing at the hearing last monday for child support for our D and then turn around and say something totally different! He wasn't making any sense and he was so angry! This depression thing is really hard on a whole family!!! If his parents didn't get involved I really believe he would have seeked help sooner and have come home. But they are pro-divorce! And to think they said I was the best thing that ever happened to him just a year ago! But then again I guess with the lies he told them so he wouldn't look like the bad guy by leaving his family, blood is thicker than water.

What a mess this became!

[K4D]

Blood is thicker than water with my W's family also. And they are all pretty much divorced and remarried. So of course they are going to defend it or else they would have to look at their own circumstances which they do not want to do.

It is a spiritual battle. But you have God on your side and he is stronger than anything they can throw at you. In the face of all odds, I would rather have God on my side.

Kevin

[harpo]

Lost
I can relate my sitch is somewhat the same.the NC is a tough thing to deal with.and to watch what the children go through is just gut wrenching.but you have to be strong for them,and yourself.this MLC cr@p is just mind boggling.just shrug it off for the most part.it is not them.as far as depression this can be bad,is he getting help ?.another thing that makes me crazy is the involvement of the other side.they only know what the S tells them and usually it's not productive.and they could be down right viscous.just hang in there,keep busy, and when it hurts come here and let it out.


God Bless

[poet]

Dear Lost,

I must admit, I did not read all of your thread. I did notice, however, that there are many good people on here who are trying to help you. Gosh, I wish you knew how confused I was when I joined DB last year, and how worse it got as time went on.

I have only read a few of your posts because there are so many, but one did catch my eye. And, no, don't ever give up if you still love him. Trust me when I say NOTHING I did ever worked to get him back, and I have been separated now for over a year. He's still out there, and we still talk on the phone, but he absolutely refuses to see me. He threatens to call the sheriff every time he has to come over to the the house, if I am here. He does still like to come home as long is I am "not here." I have only seen my H for brief moments, about 10 times in the past year.

Anyway, to get back to my discussion about your post that caught my eye. It was something about what you should do? My BEST advice for you is to do WHATEVER he asks you to do. He is TELLING you what he wants. I could never get that for a long, long time. But take today for instance. We were talking on the phone and he said for me to "leave him alone." I asked, "You mean you don't ever want to talk to me again." He said, no, just leave me be for now. I cannot tell you how many times he has told me to do this in the past year, and I always do as he asks. Then, after a few weeks, or a month, I'll "test the waters," as the DB guidelines say to do. I can't remember where I read it, but it is there. If your H wants you to "look up his phone number on the internet" THEN DO SO. He's TELLING you that this is what he wants you to do. He WANTS you to find his phone number, so I can only believe that he KNOWS it is possible.

Also, PRAY!

That's my best advice.

peace,
poet

[Goodfight]

Thanks to everyone! I have really been down and out all weekend. Our D finally got a letter from him after I sent out another one from her certified so he couldn't say that he didn't receive it again. She got it on Sat. and sat on the couch and read it out loud to me. She started to cry because she said she missed him so much but they were also happy tears because he wrote her back. Poet I thought that he wanted me to find his phone number also but there is NO way to look a cell number up on the internet plus I'm posting his letter on here and it says right in the letter that he will not call my cell (which is the only phone we have now). Here goes everyone:

Hi D,

Just got your letter. I want you to know one thing there isn't a day that goes by I don't think of you. I miss you so much. There are days I feel really sad and cry for you and other days I know you are really busy, so that makes me happy when I know you are busy.

D,
there is so much I want to talk to yuo about I just don't know why peole have to lie and say things that are not true. You know D, me and you were always together now all of a sudden its gone. I know I might of been hard on you but I just didn't want you to get in any trouble or get hurt. You are my Baby Girl and always will be. People have hurt me with there lies and I got over it, its just going to take time. D, you need to listen to yourself and think for yourself. Don't let others make your decisions for yu and whoever says your dad don't want anything to do with you or don't love you they are no good.

D, I will be in contact with you. I will not call your mother's phone. Sone how some way we will talk I promise you.

I miss you so much

I love you very much.

Love your Daddy

Hope to talk to you befor you go back to school. Then he wrote how his son from a previous relationship told him to tell her he got his driving permit and they have been out driving and he's pretty good.

Now, everyone no one has lied about my H at all! No one ever told our D that he didn't love her or miss her. I even have her in C. I don't know if he thinks all of this is true due to the lies he has been telling or what? He said in the last hearing that me, our D's C, and my lawyer were all liars!

He didn't even go into the visitation hearing about our D. His step-mother did. I think our D's C's report has him believing that our D is being told these awful things!! I would never hurt a child in a million years! The only thing I've been lying about is that he still loves my S from a previous marriage that he raised for 13yrs. and has not even called him since he left!

I'm so confused! I don't get why he hates me so much, I pray and pray but he hates me. It is so obvious, he won't even call my phone to speak to D.

Input please!

Thanks to md, mac, kevin, harpo, and poet!!!! Please give me some guidance. I realy don't know what to think anymore!

Lost

[Goodfight]

Harpo,

No he isn't getting help. He has denied the depression for the past 10 months! He said he will not take a pill for the rest of his life.

Oh, to everyone also, our D is only 12 and he is telling her to make her own decisions! And my S is 18 but has the mind of a 10yr. old. So he is hurting big time! But H made sure he told our D that he is spending time with his other children. Don't get it at all!

[K4D]

Are your kids getting counseling? Sounds like they could use it.

I'm so confused! I don't get why he hates me so much, I pray and pray but he hates me. It is so obvious, he won't even call my phone to speak to D.

He is blinded right now by possibly guilt. He may have resentment. It sounds like there are things that he is just going to have to work through in his life. You may not see a change in his attitude until he starts working through those issues. I know it is not easy. Most of us are going through that. Very rarely is my W ever nice to me. Once in a blue moon she might be. But more often than not, it is a lot of hostility.

Keep working on yourself and your faith. God can get you through anything and guide him if you let him. If you fall down, pick yourself back up and move forward again. Ask God to direct your footsteps for you.

Kevin