As john said..the hurt will continue...perhaps..it will never go away for a long time but you accept and move on. I had nightmares for a while. I had a graphic image of my wife...similar to a scene in the movie Unfaithful..many will know which one I mean. It took many months before that began to fade and hurt less. It is a ripping...a violation....
But, Kalni....you will be OK and this will move to the past. You must stay strong and above all not do anything that will hurt you or compromise your good self.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
M- you are handling this amazingly well. With everything you have had to consider for many months, the mere fact that you are standing strong is amazing. I agree, he is the kids father, and therefore half responsible. You need the break, just to breath. It is interesting when real life hits them in the face and they expect us to pick up the pieces for their actions. Good for you for standing firm!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
One file I couldnt read finally opened today. It was a letter she had written to him when they were thinking of moving in together. She describes their R, how it started with a hello at Starbucks, how they fell in love, how they very soon agreed to use the word love to describe their feelings, how they met everyday, in the car, in hotels, in the office, how they survived me finding out( I am not sure when i found out), how they overcame a pregnancy (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), how she met my son and spent time with him and how she loved being with him, how she will love our kids as her own and make sure he is happy and balanced...
I was crushed again,called him and lost it. EVERY DAY? PREGNANT? MET MY SON????????????????
He attacked me, said he knows what kind of person I am and how i fool everybody, how mean and awful I am.How he has every right to be mad and angry at me for using things that are no longer useful to anyone. He said he has things on me but since he is so superior, he wont use them,ever.
I called his dad. Told him that I am not made of iron and if he keeps pushing me, I'll sue him for deceit, endangering my health and mental pain.
H called and said he was sorry. It's the way he is and that I knew that and that he didnt mean it.
I am preparing my D papers this week and hopefully file in Sept. He even had the guts to tell me 'there is no us anymore, it's just the kids' as punishment to my anger. There has been no us in my head.
I am sinking in the lies and the consequences of his actions to my kids. And the last part, seems soooo scary to me, they are so young and innocent...
I had a hard time with this to...you have to reconcile the idea of no H in your life = no kids. They will bring you tremendous joy throughout the years and like it or not they are part of him. Logistics of who gets them when comes into play and holidays and special moments are now shared. It does break ones heart.
It isn't all about hurting him or each other but getting out of the battle whole enough for your kids who are going to need you. Don't let yourself get so caught up in right and wrong, the lies and betrayal, the pain and anger that you don't see that the children mean everything. They are everything.
Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Maria((((((((()))))))))) I have been reading and I am so sorry for all that is happening. I had hoped you had finished finding out about the "past" and all the lies and betrayal. I maybe in the minority here but I truly hope that that was the last file you open. I am not sure at this stage it is helping you,indeed it is hurting you big time and will continue to do so for a long time to come. I see those words burning into your soul. You have all you need now to go ahead with your D and I would think more than enough evidence/ammunition to file.
I understand your need to confirm all your fears and thoughts,to validate all the feelings you had before. To prove that you were right that he was not interested in reconciling and why. I also needed to know things,prove the lies I had been told. Please for your own sanity and well being you know enough, more than enough,try to stop now. You can never undo what you now know and the more you know I do think it will be so much harder to eventually let it go.
As I said I maybe the only one who thinks like this, but I worry about you. Yes you have been strong but we all have our limits. Why store memories and facts that will haunt you, once you have read those words they are not easily if ever forgotten.
I hope the drive home went well and your childrens chatter kept you mind on the actual journey. Please look after yourself and just love your children. They will be how you survive this madness.
how she met my son and spent time with him and how she loved being with him, how she will love our kids as her own and make sure he is happy and balanced...
This is just plain revolting. I wonder if they had told your son to keep it a secret.
As you may recall, I found out about my XW's PA from my kids. My L said that I had a great chance to have full custody because of her exposing the children to her affair. But I ultimately decided on what is best for the kids - 50/50 time with each parent. It seems to be working out well.
There exists the possibility that your STBXH will live with her permanently and your kids will live there part time also. I am not sure there is much you could do legally to prevent it. You will need to learn to bite your tongue of what you would like to say to the kids about their father and his girlfriend.
Also, bear in mind that sometime in the future, you may meet someone nice that the kids like also. Your STBXH will also be faced with the idea that another man will be in the kids lives.
I know you say that you need to know all the details of the betrayal, but at some point you have to stop snooping for your own good. Use the information you have now for your advantage in legal proceedings, but as you have said before, Greek divorce law is not fair for women. Hopefully, some legally fair financial justice will come from this.
