Finally Letting Go

[SueS]

Hello everyone-

Well, the past 2 day have been 2 very hard days. As I said, on Friday night I told my H that I was finally where he has been for 2 years now, ready to be done. As the weekend went on, his anger and his attitute only increased. He told me that he wanted to try again. I told him that I just couldn't do that. I am done.

My H has gone from telling me that he wants to try again to telling me what a heartless, cold, uncaring b*tch I am. How I have no regard for our daughter. He'll tell me that he doesn't understand why I won't give it another try, insisting that I must be seeing someone else, otherwise I'd give it a try. When I insist that I'm done, he tells me that he hopes I die a horrific death in a car crash and that he hopes the next man in my life beaths the living sh*t out of me. My H has never been physical but has used as much emotional harm as he possibly can.

I know some may not understand why I still let him leave, but he took our daughter on a planned trip to IN to see his Dad. I did everything I could to keep a smile on my face for her, hating seeing her drive away.....as he flipped me off.

My H is not working right now. He has had 2 great opportunities in the past 2 months and has let both slip away. On Friday when I told him that I was finished, he asked if I wanted him to move. I told him yes. He asked me when. I told him that I would start the D process so when he was working and could move it would be done. Well, since then, he has told me that I'm kicking him while he's down. He said that since he doesn't have a job here and can't make ends meet on a lower paying job (which he has a possibility of getting an offer on tomorrow, that he'd have to move away to his Dad's in IN or to a friend's in NC. He yelled at me telling me that I'll be responsible for telling our D5 why she had to grow up without her father. He came into the bedroom last night and insisted that I tell her right then and there that I didn't love him anymore and that I didn't want him to live with us anymore. He ripped up pictures, broke picture frames, threw his keys at me.....etc. He told me that if anything every happens to our D5 that he'll kill me. This from the man that got so drunk last year that he flopped down on his sleeping child on the bed and didn't even know it. I had to push him off of her.

I'm having a hard time understanding why the man who has told me for months and months that he's done with me (in several different versions) now suddenly is so extremely angry with me for being at the same point.

Can someone explain? My best friend said that it's the lack of control. It's no longer in his court.

I called my FIL to make sure he knew H was on his way there. My BIL answered the phone. My BIL knows everything about our sitch. He's heard my H rip into me and compare me to the OW. My BIL told me that they knew he was coming. He said that he understands that a person can only take so much and that it's a good thing that I'm finally being honest about the situation. He said if I need to end it, then that's what I need to do. I told him about H's comment to me about me not having D5's best interest in mind. BIL said...you needed to tell him that doing this is exactly with her best interest in mind. My BIL wouldn't say that if he didn't know how his brother really was. My BIL loves my D5 very much and wants only the best for her.

Well, I'd love some input. I'm here by myself. Part of me is dying inside without my D5 and the other part is relieved that I don't have to see H for a few days. They will be back on Wed. My mom worried that my H wouldn't bring her back home. I told her that I'm not worried about that. And, if he threatens that, he'll have the law to deal with because not bringing her back would be a much bigger issue for him.

Thanks- SueS