No offense taken. I don't ask for advice if I don't want it - the blunter and more direct the better. Thanks
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How about kicking her butt out of the house by telling her to get her own place
Not really possible since she is the joint owner and is refusing to leave.
I did demand that she move out a month or so ago when I caught her text-flirting (or whatever you call it). I also handed her a list of mediators and went as far as to call one of them. She was shocked, immediately backed down, and stopped the texting. Since then it has been an open offer from me to pick it back up, but I have not pursued it.
When I made the demand that she move out, her response was to echo the one I made to her months ago when she asked me to leave - I'm not moving out, no way, no how, and that we would have to live together until the D was final and the house was sold.
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telling her you have now decided that you won't share your women with anothter man and it isn't even up for negotiation. Tell her the sooner the better. No more.
Done. Last week. Using those words exactly. Will continue to reiterate.
The word "share" aggravates her. In her mind, since she is not having an active physical affair, I am not sharing her. My definition is quite a bit broader.
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Start watching action movies
My standard fare. Always has been.
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get involved in a COMPETITIVE SPORT
A new field for me (at least since College) In the last 2 months I have run a triathlon and 2 5k's. I don't have the time or work flexibility to commit to a team sport, but will consider it. I like the idea.
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practice being decisive, rational, and logical. (all male type qualities.) Follow through on things and keep your word.
Rational and Logical are my standard, as is Decisive (at work). I need work on Decisive in my MR. I have also historically had difficulty confronting and discussing difficult issues. I tended to avoid them in my M. This has been a focus of mine for the past few weeks, and has to continue to be so.
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My approach in any R-type discussions with my W in the past month or so has been to let her know directly that I don't want a D, and if she does, then it is up to her to do it, but I'll be OK in the end either way.
The next step beyond this would be to initiate and drive the D process myself. I have not done this except when triggered by a direct provocation. Most of the time she does not do that.
Now, with her more clear recent statements and my realization, the next escalation step would be for me to say "I no longer wish to be married to you and am going to move ahead with the divorce process" and then proceed quickly - Lawyers, mediator, separate bank accounts, etc.
Although I do not want to continue in the M like it is, I am not sure if I am ready to take this step.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
