Just found out that H lied to me today. He hadn't mentioned the breakfast/lunch with friends, I didn't let him know that I knew. He told me he was taking the bike back to work and on the way, going to watch some speed boat racing at the watersports centre. Found out through friend, who has just asked me where I was.
NOT - went to the breakfast/lunch. Feel extra hurt and cheated on now.
I don't know if your H is in MLC, and it really doesn't affect the way you need to operate, but sometimes it helps to just assume that the WAS is MLC.
I know it is rough, it is painful, it is excruciating. Earrings in the pants pocket probably mean OW, and that is even more excruciating. Just breathe. Realize that in this one moment, you are okay. You do not have to solve all of your problems right now. Just breathe.
You may need to go back to the beginning of some of those threads referenced in the link--I think somehow they mostly got linked to the middle or end of the thread instead of the first page.
Be kind to yourself.
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Don't buy into ANY of his actions. Be curious...which H will show up today?
The way your H is acting is typical alien behavior. It's not about you, but all about him.
And...I'm sorry, but I'm thinking with him hiding his phone and car keys, along with the earrings...he's having some sort of affair. EA or PA, who knows.
I'd guess your detachment is also affecting him...more of that. You've got to stay detached...no more R talk.
Let him fix his life and make his decisions. You just keep on taking care of yourself and your kids.
My H went back and forth like this too...and I'd come post here about what a weirdo he was being. I'd enjoy the positive interactions, and inwardly roll my eyes at the retreat.
Bottom line? Don't get sucked into their behavior. It's a roller coaster ride.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I know it is all about him, it's just when you see a small snippet of the old H it is so easy to be happy to see that person and get sucked in, must repeat over and over, don't get sucked in.
I had a read of the Midlife for Dummies, that made me laugh, especially the bit about clinging to the edge of bed without falling out, it is so my H for the past few months.
He must think I am really stupid or something if he thinks I believe that he knows nothing of the earrings, gee strange earrings just jumped into his pocket.
I am loving be able to come here and say whatever I need to say, I try not to say too much about H to my D as she is dealing with her own issues of disgust at her father, who appears to now be trying to be nice and lovey dovey with her, when he never has been.
Being able to vent here and know that I am interacting with people who are feeling the same things or have been there and done that and you don't feel that you are talking to people who are tired of hearing you talk about your situation.
This site has literally been my sanity saviour and I can't thank the little voice in my head that one day told me to google "divorce busting" not knowing there was an actual site and voila here I am.
I do have one question though, as he still won't give me an answer on if to rent a property that we could all live in and I am at critical point now and must secure a property if not today by no later than tomorrow. Should I go ahead and secure a larger house or assume he won't be coming with us and get a smaller property.
I would love to stay in the area where I am, but on my own could not afford it, but I will also miss my small group of friends who have been supporting me as well and that will be another heart wrenching thing to do. One more thing that H's selfish me, me, me attitude has caused.
Hope everyone has had a good day or night wherever you may be.
Well, got to work, opened up emails. Now remembering I don't work Friday's, a factor H obviously keeps forgetting - sends an email to me Friday at work:
"Any noises this morning? (referring to the prowler)
I think that I will move in with 333 (male friend) and then decide later if I want to rent or whatever.
How much money do you need to live with each week? If you could let me know what expenses there are, I can plan a little.
Will have to budget and I will rent a storage shed for the ski and the garage stuff until deciding.
When are the boxes arriving for packing?
Having a few drinks tonight after work and then will be home a little later. Did you want me to do anything tonight or are you going to the club?
Next Friday night I am going to the footy and will be staying out. Will be home again Sunday. "
Yet he comes home friday and showers me with affection and loving words and the same on Saturday.
Sunday, different again. - just goes to show how messed up the minds are as Dawn has said they cycle.
