By the way, dating is not just an option for me at this point, it is a directive I have given myself...I'm not fighting you on that point anymore!
Your decision. Even though it is like trying to bake a cake and missing the most important ingredient. You can still call it a cake and you can still try to bake it, but it doesn't come out the right way. You can have all the other ingredients perfect, but missing one of the most important makes the others useless too.
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This is so juvenile but I haven't taken him off my page because I don't want to be provocative right now and he would actually take offense at that...I am too reliant on him for money and it is better if he thinks everything is ok.
Poor me??? I guess you aren't serious about turning this around or you aren't convinced my advice works. I recommend that you take him of ASAP.Sooner the better. Looks like the cake is missing another ingredient. Turning this around or turning yourself around will take a lot more "who cares what you think" attitude. You aren't there. Sure wish you were.
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I know I'm repeating myself but what I am looking for is to still feel at the end of all this that I did my best and handled all of this in the most mature and effective manner.
Another area I disagree with you and many others on. There is and has been nothing wrong with you. Nobody is perfect. You would be much further ahead if you would use better self talk such as admitting that you WERE a damn good wife and you have no regrets now. It seems to me it is ALWAYS the person who says "I want to say I did my best or that I tried everything" are always the ones that end up divorce and not reconciled. My take is that you have NOT tried everything (letting go, dating, getting tough with him to name a couple)What most people sound like to me when they say this is "This way hasn't worked,but I don't want to admit it to myself so I will keep trying more and more of what isn't working until there is nothing left to give. How sad for me to observe this.
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Do you relate to what he is doing? Is it just ego? Possessiveness? Narcissism? I know mind-reading is a no-no but I just don't get it. I feel like maybe I am missing something here, that it is me that rejects him over and over...I don't know. Just looking for the guy perspective and with my own mental well-being in mind (more than DBing) I want to keep myself together.
Don't get caught up in this "mind reading nonsense." It is okay to mind read. That is just more psycho babble. We all do some mind reading. Any man who doesn't learn to try and read what his wife means is foolish. My wife loves it when I can "read her mind" (or as I put it, know her so well that I know when and how to empathize with her feelings without her having to ask or lay it out to me.) Smart men know this and use it to HELP the relationship. The key is learning how to use it as a PLUS in your relationship. The same goes for women. I like it when my wife knows when and how to deal with my moods and such. She isn't always right, but I love her for caring enough to at least trying to be in sinc with me. It shows she loves me and cares about me and wants to do things for me and WANTS to be ONE. I have read her mind even on that last comment. I bet I am right though.
The real answer to your question though is that your husband is acting like a child because you allow it. You have helped to create nothing more than a spoiled brat. He does it because he can.
I love to watch Andy Griffith. There is some great truths in some of those episodes. The episode that reminds me of you and your husband goes like this.
A new boy moves to Mayberry and befriends Opie. The new boy is spoiled and gets whatever he wants from his parents. One day the new boy comes over with a new bike and is bragging to Opie about his new bike. Little Opie is in awe of the new boy and the new bike. The new boy says to Opie. “Don’t you know how to get what you want from your parents?” Opie is puzzled.
“Well, when they tell me no, I throw a tantrum or hold my breath until my face turns blue. It scares them so much when I do these things, that they then give me whatever I want.”
Well, Opie is amazed. “Is that all there is to it?” “Yep” says the new boy.
Opie decides he is going to try these things on Andy. He heads down to the courthouse. “Pa, I want a new bike.” Andy tells him “no” Opie falls on the floor and starts kicking and screaming and crying. Andy has his head down not paying a bit of attention. He keeps his head down mired in his work and says to Opie. “What are you doing?” Opie says. “I am having a tantrum” Andy says. “Okay, don’t get your clothes dirty son.” Opie finally gives that up and then walks up near Andy and breathes in deeply and starts holding his breath. Andy waits for awhile and then says to Opie. “Now what are you doing?” Opie says. “Holding my breath until my face turns blue” Andy says. “Oh, okay. That’s good for your lungs.”
Opie finally gives up and realizes that this stuff isn’t working with Andy…
This reminds me of you. Your husband does these things BECAUSE he can and because YOU allow it. Sorry that this doesn’t contain enough psycho babble or deep thinking terms we can try to coin him. You are making more of this than necessary. Make it simple. He is a spoiled brat and acting like one. I would focus on putting an end to it. I don’t allow people to do these things to me. MY CHOICE.
Anger is the child's way of showing respect. Of course he will get angry when you change your ways and start to get "tough" with him. That is typical of spoiled brats. My response to it if he does is ..."SO what"
I would ignore him, not answer his calls, not anwer his questions, not respond to his childishness, take him off face book, start dating, and only communicate the most necessary and basic things needed. Business like on the phone and then politely hang up. Over and over and over and over..
I would be thinking to myself and knowing who is the adult and who is the child. It wouldn't be up for negotiation. I may even do some "childish" things of my own. (secretly laughing.)
Sometimes the best way to deal with a child is to think and act like one.
