H came up to my bedroom last night. There I was laying on the bed, sketching, all nice and relaxed and he goes for the hammer blow H: DS11 asked me there if I ever cheated on you. We have to tell them what`s going on? FG;What is going on? H: We`re not even talking to each other. We have to tell them one of us has to leave.
Hmmmm. So I was right. H has deliberately not responded to me this week to try to make me go into silent mode so he could say we weren`t talking. I`d twigged that though and had keep the few brief comments up.
Anyway the conversation led straight away for his demanding that we separate and that I book a mediation appt. I stated my position again as I had last week; I wasn`t in favour of separation but would accept his decision and not force him to stay or go. And if he wanted mediation he`d better book the appt.
H got angry-just a little-and was adamant that separation was mutual. i told him that I`d had 8 weeks of therapy and that while I had seen separation as the only option in the past now I was sticking by my marriage vows. But again if he wanted to go I`d accept his decision.
H really needs for this decision to be mutual because he hates decisions-always has. And yet, last Dec complained that he was living every one else was controlling him. So its important that he take on the responsibility of this decision.
I said I was very close to the kids and that it would break my heart to have them go through a separation.
H brought up some of our issues. Intimacy difficulties(which he only told me about recently) my not listening and bizarrely, my bikini line. I agreed whole heartedly with him and thanked him for pointing them out to me. But `its too late now` he said. I didn`t argue. I didn`t beg him to go to therapy. In fact when he said what can we do I said I don`t know because I really don`t want t be making the decisions;its pretty obvious what we should do anyhow if we want to work on the M.
Then H said "It`s unfortunate about the house'Another bait. He thinks I`ll get upset if we have to sell. In fact the law is on my side on this one and I`l be entitled to stay here til the kids finish their education. He knows that. I said nothing.
He said he want to be buried in his hometown. I thought that was a bit bizarre. Since I wouldn`t-presumably be married to him then -I wouldn`t particularly care. But I did ask if he should go see someone if he was thinking about dying imminently but he assured me that he wasn`t suicidal.
I didn`t look overly concerned. Just threw it out there.
He said work wasn`t going well;he`d fallen out with a lot of people there. I didn`t dwell on that. He siad the stress of 'all of this' was causing that. Hmmm, wish he`s fess up and take repsonsiblity for himself instead of passing the buck.
Said his brother had come over on holiday but only sepnt one day with him. I said sure the poor chap was probably very busy catching up with his pals.
No pity party from me.
But I listened and looked into his eyes and stayed very calm.
To his credit, H did not lose his cool or use bad language either or insult me directly.
That`s major progress.
But he`s intent in stirring things up. Says the kids have to be told before the end of the school hols... Was very silent today but I`m getting into the habit of asking open ended questions to break that.Kept to himself other wise and is gone now not saying where he is going.
The only thing that`s keeping me here is that the guy must be very sick to behave that way.
Well, its that or the Aliens have taken my husband away.
