Long Journey .......... advice please

[Sanderika]

It's really wierd how this process works....

I am no longer desperate to save my marriage. The situation in my world has reached 4 years today that he dropped the bomb.

I just heard thru the grapevine that H was with his OW yesterday and that proves that he is not done with her.

I also love my H. I wonder if I will ever not love him.

It doesn't seem to be about love anymore. It seems more to be about simply what's right and what's wrong.

For me finding the second job to help with me and my son's cost of living has helped me tremendously. I almost feel empowered to really stir things up between me and H once and for all.

I feel the second job was a step in the right direction for moving on. I think I will really like the job. Yes, it has made it harder on me while at the same time it has shown H that I don't need him.

I can't live under this cloud much longer. I am powerless to repair my marriage alone and am down right tired of carrying the burdens and standing.

I do not regret my stand. I simply am starting to realize that H is not doing anuthing except talking. His words are empty. His actions speak loud and clear.

H has not made any valuable, constructive, positive motions towards "us" since the postponement. H has not seen/spoken to his son since 7/25. I am beginning to feel like a fool. For me, if H doesn't want me and the marriage and a family then say so....stop the game and put an end to the deceitful, hurtful, disrespectful actions. I can take it and have been ready for a very long time now.

I am getting my son ready to go to a summer camp for the next week and H doesn't even know about it. He is a very stupid man. His losses are his. I don't even feel sorry for him anymore. Maybe I am coming to the feeling of disgust. This certainly is a disgusting situation. One that in 4 years has not corrected itself, what makes me hang on thinking it ever will.......

Sanderika