I wonder when its the right time to say, Ok, I need you to know that I would like nothing more for things to get better between us, but I need A,B and C to change.
I understand when its time to drop the rope, but I am at a loss as to when its the right time to start things up again! Even if you let your WAS initiate, they could end up scaring themselves.
I wouldnt call her. Ill bet she takes some comfort from your phone calls, but I think that its sort of cake eating. I would tell her you know what, why dont you just call me when its a good time for you.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I wonder when its the right time to say, Ok, I need you to know that I would like nothing more for things to get better between us, but I need A,B and C to change.
I understand when its time to drop the rope, but I am at a loss as to when its the right time to start things up again! Even if you let your WAS initiate, they could end up scaring themselves.
I wouldnt call her. Ill bet she takes some comfort from your phone calls, but I think that its sort of cake eating. I would tell her you know what, why dont you just call me when its a good time for you.
I like your thoughts I think I might just do that!
I was wondering if I should pull away alittle again. not going cold but perhaps just dont get close as we have been for a few of our next meetings. try and get her to want to initiate it more.
well, just got off the phone with her. she some how got into talking about our M with me. I dont remember how I think it had to do with her cousin and her friend.... she went on how she felt traped. and her usual list of complaints about the M
well bluerain ...I guess you were right she does not belive I will change or stay changed. she feels that i never cared and it's always going to be the same.... she says thats why she is afraid she will want to get back togeather with me because it will all just fall right back into the same old way and it's too late she already gave up
then she went on to say she admits she is not better yet but she is working on it in her own way. then she said well she admits she wants to be married but she just is not ready yet. I did alot more validating her feelings,
only odd thing is we talked about stuff we both had wanted to do but never did.(did not think the other person wanted to do) now this week we might plan a camping/canoe trip sometime in a month with just the two of us. Nothing for sure but it came up and she suggested we talk it over this week and she can see the girls while we talk. (figure that out!)
Just remember, if she backs out on this, you might have to take some kiddos camping!
I had those same kinds of convos with H. How disappointing that this whole time, you both felt the same. We had several things that we had both wanted to do, just never got up the nerve to bring it up. One of them was we had both decided that we wanted to have kids, but that didnt come out into the open until after his A started. I think that it may be one of the big factors in him wanting out.
I saw that you said that she does want to be married, does that mean to you?
Like I said before. Keep up your changes long enough and they will become part of who you are. And eventually she will have no choice but to see that you have changed!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
gosh now it just went the other way! so we were talking fine and she wanted to make it clear that she if we go camping and canoeing that we can't plan it now.??? I need to e-mail her the plans "I have " and if it fits her she will go too.
anyway we were talking about a friend who is getting married and she says to me how she wont get M again does not ever want to be M.... ok??? just out of the blue she says this. ok so im thinking this is differant from what she has said befor whats the change?? she goes on to say how there are things she liked but being M is just not for her she likes being single and dating.
well I let this bother me and i texted her later and said I thought it would be best if i went with out her. then i got a call from a friend who told me she was at the bars getting drunk the other day which pissed me off cuz she still never payes for the kids stuff at ALL
so I called her to nicely say if she can go out please pay for the kids stuff. she said ok then a second later got pissy said she does not have to answer to me and we started fighting.
im so pissed because how can I take care of myself if she wont leave me alone??? how can i heal and move on? she finds ways to come crying back just so i comfort her and she pulls my strings. it BS and im so sick of it!!!
I sent her another text telling her I valued the M and since she has no interest in it. she needs to give me months to myself. and that i tried it befor and she had to talk to me.
Yeah just pisses me off how she is like that im mean she never said "hey lets work on the M" but her signalsare all over I know the kids she hangs with do drugs and i bet her mental state is not helped but them and it might be the source of her prob.
it's like befor she left we had a great time around newyears then she was hanging with these kids she acted funny then we went to florda and had a blast she still says that... then shortly after we came back she hung with the kids again and bam! WAW
this tells me the kids are her source of the problems with working out a M im sure she def. had her prob. befor but when she is with them its a differant person
I think I might just do that!