living with the turtle

[cat04]

Hey FG,

Ok I guess you could call it an EA. I know if my H was doing that it is what I would call it and YES he did encourage it.

I do want you to keep in mind one thing, I was really done at that point. I was not willing to admit to myself or anyone else that I loved my H, that I wanted my M, or that I even wanted to deal with H in anyway at that point. I was just still too hurt and doing what I have always done which was whatever H tells me to. So as he directed, I was "moving on." I was not looking for anything but I had made a friend and it ended up giving me something I needed at the time, and teaching me some lessons that I needed to learn in order to move foward and really look inside of me. So, although I DO NOT advocate it in any way, shape, or form, it was good for me.

That being said, yes he encouraged it. He actually tried to make it more than it was. It does easy their guilt. You are with someone else, you are happy, so see they were right and your life is good without them. It also does what you are saying and can make it seem like you were the one to give up, which I think through their actions is something most of these MLCer's try to do. Make us make the decision. Which we all have the option to do.

If you are ready to move on, then do it. If you aren't or are still on the fence, then don't. If it is not what you want, if he says that again, simply say something like you aren't looking for another R. It is not something H and I talk about at all anymore. But when different opportunities arise, I do make sure that H understands he is wanted and loved and important here. No pressure.

See, they do notice things. Took my H months to see how thin I've gotten. Took him less time to notice other things. Somedays they look at you, somedays they don't.