I wrote him a letter yesterday. In that letter, nothing was exaggerated, no lies, no my side. If I had received that letter, lets say... I would seriously be thinking of killing my self. I may post it here sometime...
Yesterday we had a sms fight about kids. he wants them for 10 days. When all hell broke loose, I told him i want him to have them for a month so that I can relax and regroup. He said yes. Now he tells me he is leaving on Seot 3 and wont be back till the 10th. So he intends to get them for 10 days. I said no. I lied and said I will be away coming back on the 6-7 because I was counting he will at least keep them for 15 days. He said he cant. I said I am sorry I will be away. He had the nerve to tell me I knew about the trip, I reminded him there were other things I didnt know back then and a lot has changed. I told him he is on his own, to find a solution as I did for years. He got furious. I am pretty sure he would have hit me if he could reach me.
For him it is a hostility gesture. For me it is NOT saving him. He has this notion, I will just roll on my other side, say 'what is done is done" and continue to be his babysitter. No sir. His responsibilities are his to own. My parents are out of the picture, it's just me and the kids and he will have either to step up or pay.
My stomach has been a knot for so long it's starting to feel normal. I know I need to 'drop it', but I dont know how. I know it is consuming me but I cant control it. I know I shouldnt waste another minute of my life for him, but....
