So, here we are nice and detached. Had a nice night hanging with a girl friend, trying to explain to her that it is necessary to have sex with her H more than once every six months!!! LOL
So, I get a couple of emails about trivial stuff like H wondering if he can borrow the housekeeper he has forgotten I fired weeks ago due to lack of funds!!! Hello, McFly! Anyway, money is a big problem over here but soon I should be able to get a L to help with that. (cross your fingers, I'm trying to sell something that is worth a lot of money)...
This morning when I dropped the kids off to H, he checked me out and muttered something like "you look nice"...ya, he's noticing (also sent me an email last week telling me how hot I looked on my FB page, wtf??).
So, tonight I get an email with a poem he's written which seems to be reflecting on the demise of our relationship (metaphorically) and then an apology for having sent it.
So, GUCCI, here's a guy who left, was "done", has not really left me alone for the most part, is jealous, probing, juvenile, has pictures of himself with beautiful women looking romantic on his facebook but still has not removed his married status (even though I suggested he should)...sending me a poem.
He comments on my facebook though I never do on his. This is so juvenile but I haven't taken him off my page because I don't want to be provocative right now and he would actually take offense at that...I am too reliant on him for money and it is better if he thinks everything is ok.
But, sometimes, it sickens me that it appears I am in collusion with all of this. I mean that I am "friends" with him and am obviously aware of the pictures on his page...I am trying not to put too much stock in it cuz my MO as I said is to get myself situated and stabilized and avoid drama with him.
Anyway, I really can live without him, don't know how I could live with him at this point or even date him...of course if there was a way, I'd be open to the possibility but for now, not happening. I know I'm repeating myself but what I am looking for is to still feel at the end of all this that I did my best and handled all of this in the most mature and effective manner.
Do you relate to what he is doing? Is it just ego? Possessiveness? Narcissism? I know mind-reading is a no-no but I just don't get it. I feel like maybe I am missing something here, that it is me that rejects him over and over...I don't know. Just looking for the guy perspective and with my own mental well-being in mind (more than DBing) I want to keep myself together.
By the way, dating is not just an option for me at this point, it is a directive I have given myself...I'm not fighting you on that point anymore!
