Orich, when you were young and on the dating scene, was there ever a girl that you wanted to get her attention and to really like you....but did not want her to think you were despart to have a date? Do you know what it means to play hard to get?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today we took the kids to the Polish fair. (w is half polish). We go every year. We had a good enough time. Afterwards we went to visit her boss's family house on the water. Her boss doesn't know what's going on. At one point he had a camera and said he wanted to take a picture of the happy couple. We stood next to each other, neither touching each other. We did talk during the day ok, so not a terrible day.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
About 2 years ago or so, my sister decided she wasn't happy in her marriage. She had spoken to me a few times about it, and I was always trying to get her to work on saving the marriage. Ultimately, it didn't work, and they divorced. They are both remarried now, and both quite happy. The woman that he married is a childhood friend of my wife. He had met her through my wife and I, and sometime after his separation, he ran into this friend and they eventually married. This caused some bad blood in my family. On my side, my parents, mom especially, thought that my sister's marriage with this guy might have been saved were it not for the friend of my W. My W was upset because she could not invite her friend to family parties anymore because it would be unsettling having all these people together in one house. The reason I bring this up is because yesterday we were invited to the guy's birthday party. My W's friend was throwing him a special party because this week he is going under the knife to fix his plumbing so they can have children. First of all, I was kinda uncomfortable being there because his parents and family were there, and I am the brother of the girl who hurt their son, etc... But beyond that, W kept reminding me what a great guy he is, going for major surgery so that her friend can have kids, and how wonderful their house is, he put so much work into it, and look how much in love they are. It was making me sick. I didn't let it bother me, I just smiled and waved. Oh yes, you're right he is wonderful, and yes he must love her very much to undergo that surgery. I bet they are so much in love they actually have sex! (OK, that one I didn't say, it was just in my head Meanwhile, I played with the boys during the party while she socialized. It was better that way. Otherwise the weekend was fine. One thing I have noticed, though, is that every time she brings up a conversation, we talk like normal. Most times when I start one, I get a one or two word answer, and that's the end of the conversation.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I have to ask... Why did you go? If you knew it was going to be uncomfortable for you (as it would understandably be for anyone) what on Earth would possess you to go?
I thought about not going. W assumed we were all going, so as I posted before, when we are together as a family she is usually pretty good. And as a matter of fact, while we were there, she came to me to tell me it was catered by one of my favorite restaurants and made sure she took the boys while I ate. She even got dessert for me. Plus, I always liked the guy and w's friend, so I thought it would be nice to see them. It wasn't terribly uncomfortable. Besides, we went straight from there to the carnival at w's work and we had a good time there, I thoroughly enjoyed going on kiddie rides with the boys.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
BTW, all the talk about how wonderful a guy he is and how much in love they are I get anyway, even if we are not around them.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I see you're still in the thick of things. I also see that the W has not mellowed much Sorry my friend - couldn't resist the dig. O - I think you showed a huge amount of backbone to go to the party. Well done that man!
I get the idea that the W is trying to get up your nose. Trying to see "just how far". And trying to gauge your reactions. Don't play the game O.
Any idea what sort of subjects get these very short replies for the W? What sort of things is she prepared to talk about normally?
I don't really bite anymore when she starts these games. Thing is, I don't think she even thinks these are games! She might just be enough of an EDP to not realize what she is doing. Basically, anything I bring up she is uninterested in. What's funny is that when we were in MC together, she brought up that I am quiet and rarely start conversations with her. Now when I do, she doesn't enter into them with me. She talks about her job, her family, our kids, etc. Not much else. On Sunday before the bday party I washed and practically detailed her truck. I went all out. Armor-alled the entire interior, vacuumed and washed the rugs, etc. Since W does the bills, she is constantly looking to save money. Fine. So, she mentioned that she wanted to bring the truck to the car wash. Now she doesn't have to. So now we get in the truck to go to the party. She sits down in the passenger seat and says "I didn't realize how shiny you could get the dash." I start to tell her about how I washed the surface first, then put on the armor-all, how much crap I vacuumed out from around the booster seats, etc. Nothing. That was it. I stopped there, and didn't say another word. By the way, in case it appears as if I was pursuing, the truck is our family vehicle. When we go anywhere together, we take the truck, so I was cleaning it for myself as well.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Hey, I just updated my profile to reflect my sons' birthdays. 6 and 4 now! They are growing so fast. Thank God for them during this mess. I'm sorry they have to deal with this, but they are a constant source of strength for me. Were it not for them, I might already be separated. So far I don't think they realize what's going on, which is good. I hope they never realize what happened in a few years when we are all off on a Disney trip together, mom and dad holding hands while they run up to the next ride.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Hey, I just updated my profile to reflect my sons' birthdays. 6 and 4 now! They are growing so fast. Thank God for them during this mess. I'm sorry they have to deal with this, but they are a constant source of strength for me. Were it not for them, I might already be separated. So far I don't think they realize what's going on, which is good. I hope they never realize what happened in a few years when we are all off on a Disney trip together, mom and dad holding hands while they run up to the next ride.
Amen, brother. Your post reflects my feelings exactly. My 3 kids are clueless about Mom and Dad's struggle. And they definitely are the glue keeping us from separation now. For years I resisted holding my wife's hand; I was just never a touchy feely guy. Now I'd kill to be able to do it.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Meanwhile, I played with the boys during the party while she socialized. It was better that way.