My Wifes MLC

[Dawn of Hope]

Steve,
Times like this are when you find out what you are really made of. This is like getting cancer or something...you come face to face with who you have been in the past, and what you really believe, and what really matters to you most, and what your life is all about. And you begin the painful process of stripping away the fluff and becoming who you really are. If you have just been going along on autopilot, doing what was expected...you've just been run off that road and pushed over the cliff. Time to pull the ripcord and figure out where you want to land.

Forget her for now. Think of her as a character from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"--she is going to be completely out to lunch for a long, long time, even if she seems to have some things in common with the person she was before that. Now, given that she is "gone" for the time being, what are YOU going to do with this opportunity you have been given to become someone you can be proud of?

I know this is really hard, especially in the beginning, because you are so shocked and disbelieving. Do what you need to do to help yourself recover--just do it in a way that allows you to look at yourself in the mirror later. If you need counseling, get it. If your kids need counseling, get it for them. Get a DB coach...this is the best suggestion I have for you. If you need AD's (as a lot of us do), get them, and stay on them as per your doctor's instructions. Change those bad habits you've been hanging onto, at whatever pace works for you. Eat right, exercise, take care of yourself and your kids. Journal if it helps. Come here and vent or ask for advice.

Now, notice that none of the above has anything to do with your W...no confrontations, no snooping, no R talks, no controlling or sabotage or vindictiveness. This is about YOU, not her, and choosing healthy, positive ways to get your life back on track. Let her follow her own tangled path, without your interference. YOU work on YOU.

Peace,
Dawn