At this point I don't really care if there is an OM involved. She is disrespecting me to a huge degree. Her behaivour is erratic and abnormal.
She is lying, exxagerating and accusing me of BS.
The kids realise she has lost it and I've had enougth.
Counselling is this week and I think I'll be dropping a few bombs of my own. All I have to do is state her behaivour and that ends it right there.
I know this site is about trying to reconcile and there is still that possibility but atm I'm angry. She won't see that as I've switched off but she has lost basically all the respect I ever had for her.
Not saying be a doormat, but understand this illness that is called MLC...
These are things that everyone of us here has experienced at some point....
Look Steve, Only you know what you can endure and not endure..
Let me reiterate that this site, although called Divorce Busting, isn't really about saving your marriage. It is about saving Steve first, and then, by happenstance your marriage is able to be re-born, then so be it....
You will not be considered a success or a failure by the outcome of your marriage...
So, with that in mind, DB for the correct reasons, and regardless the outcome of your relationship, you will always be a success.
Assumptions can kill you, with MLC, I ALWAYS assume script. And with that I know, unless proven wrong.....
MLC'ers lie...
MLC'ers cheat....
Save that sting and downward spiral by snooping...
If she is or isn't....doesn't mean a dam thing to the path that YOU have to walk.....
If you HAVE to know for you ? Then do what you have to do....
I have been reading most of the posts in here, and noticed only one person mention this name.....God....I have been here over 2 yrs. and let me tell you in those 2 yrs I came from a bitter,unforgiving,put the blame all on the o/w,crying while I posted in here,hopelessness,depression,low self esteem, and the list could go on and on. All I can tell you as one poster told you and that was let God take control of this. When I accepted the fact that no matter what I did my husband was not going to come back,the man he has become right now I dont like very much,selfish,uncaring (at least for his real family that love him unconditionally)a liar,when he speaks now it is like a child, they say they go back in time and I beleive that does happen, he makes me feel like I was with my mom when ever I was caught doing something wrong,I always felt I had to explain whatever it was that I was doing wrong,
he doesnt like this all the time only to me with his daughter it is like he her buddy or something not her dad my daughter says their conv are not much bout nothing mostly about him what he's done, where he has been never mentions the o/w though
I know this MLC is real they have been taken captive by the enemy and it is our jobs to get on our knees and pray. I dont want to preach to anyone I just want to share THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN MAKE IT OUT OF THIS IN ONE PIECE is take it to the Lord...IT WORKS .I pray I did not offend anyone but this is an open forum and I am posting what I have learned while on this journey...Be blessed in Jesus name... some of you know the song where it says different strokes for different folks and that is a true statement but i would give praying at least a try and be consistent with it some of us want things to change over nite but he wants our full attention get on your knees and pray pray pray .it will make you stronger and better and life will get better...
I have been reading most of the posts in here, and noticed only one person mention this name.....God....I have been here over 2 yrs. and let me tell you in those 2 yrs I came from a bitter,unforgiving,put the blame all on the o/w,crying while I posted in here,hopelessness,depression,low self esteem, and the list could go on and on. All I can tell you as one poster told you and that was let God take control of this. When I accepted the fact that no matter what I did my husband was not going to come back,the man he has become right now I dont like very much,selfish,uncaring (at least for his real family that love him unconditionally)a liar,when he speaks now it is like a child, they say they go back in time and I beleive that does happen, he makes me feel like I was with my mom when ever I was caught doing something wrong,I always felt I had to explain whatever it was that I was doing wrong,I know this MLC is real they have been taken captive by the enemy and it is our jobs to get on our knees and pray. I dont want to preach to anyone I just want to share THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN MAKE IT OUT OF THIS IN ONE PIECE is take it to the Lord...IT WORKS .I pray I did not offend anyone but this is an open forum and I am posting what I have learned while on this journey...Be blessed in Jesus name...
i didnt know I would get just a quick response, but thank you I have grown into a better person since walking with the Lord....i have forgiven everyone who took a part in this But I forgave myself and that is when things started changing ...he's not home yet but I know what I know My life is so different now.....I no longer depend on my husband for anything but I depend on someone who has the power to give me whatever I ask for....and I mean everything, come to the conclusion about my marriage situation there must still be things that God want me to teach me and know. I heard a pastor last night by the name of Charles Stanley very well known he said this......when you get on your knees to pray there is power in that prayer, because it shows respect and honor to our heavenly father and it is so true be blessed in jesus name
I'm not really interested if she is cheating or not - I know her behaivour is disrespectful & irrational & I don't believe anyone should have to put up with this.
She is lying & she is completely gone from me atm. I doubt that anyone can respect someone who behaves in the fashion that she has been.
I am actually feeling pretty good. This is in someways a new start for me. I'm sure it will be tough over the next couple of months but it will get better.
Again my main concern is the children - I wish she would just leave them alone. That might sound wrong but she doesn't really care for them - she is only focussed on herself at this point in time.
I'm not really interested if she is cheating or not - I know her behaivour is disrespectful & irrational & I don't believe anyone should have to put up with this.
She is lying & she is completely gone from me atm. I doubt that anyone can respect someone who behaves in the fashion that she has been.
I am actually feeling pretty good. This is in someways a new start for me. I'm sure it will be tough over the next couple of months but it will get better.
Again my main concern is the children - I wish she would just leave them alone. That might sound wrong but she doesn't really care for them - she is only focussed on herself at this point in time.
That is as script as it gets bro.....
Selfishness, Lying, Whatever else is going on as well....
This IS a new start for you...Don't forget that man....
Once again, I find myself saying that this is like a two-for-one special at the market....
Your spouse has issues and is pulling away to find herself and deal with them....BUT.....
SO DO YOU.....YOU get to have space and time to really look and evaluate yourself without the constraints of a relationship...
We also get to do this with a clear head and our morals intact too....NOT this irrational thing we call MLC...
IRMAC....I agree with you, and giving this mess to God is really the way for us.....
Yes, God will have things the way they are meant to be.
I also believe that God doesn't really get too involved with affairs of the heart...
What he does do for us is gives us morals, and a conscience to police ourselves...
He will guide us, but in the end, WE still have to do the footwork for ourselves....
And I do have faith that he is working on our wayward spouses at the same time....
73, Sorry to find you here, but that is how life goes. You appear to be a fine job and listen to the advice you are getting. I mean really listen. As they have previously stated, DB'ing is about you..healing...rebuilding...strengthening...improving. The first thing I would highly recommend is dropping the rope to your wife completely...affairs don't matter...staying out all night doesn't matter...Those things will affect her, but have no true impact on you in the end (I know you are hurting, but once you realize this you will be on a good path). Let her live her life....It is time for you to prioritize yours and start living it. Once I realized that I was a single parent (she still lives here though) and that everything depended on me...I was better off. Not expecting help with kids or house makes it easy when you don't get any.
Start gal'ing...and when you think you are doing enough...double it. For myself, once I get through a day of housework, doing stuff with the kids, taking care of my small business, working out, and cooking there is really no time to think about my wife. Take things with your kids to a new level.....do stupid things a grown up wouldn't do...your kids will love. Just today I stood up in my jeep (the top was down) and started dancing and singing to the new black eyed peas song at a stop light. My kids loved, I loved it....enjoying life is what it is all about. Get busy!
Have a great weekend...I think I am gonna take the kids for a ride
Steve, Times like this are when you find out what you are really made of. This is like getting cancer or something...you come face to face with who you have been in the past, and what you really believe, and what really matters to you most, and what your life is all about. And you begin the painful process of stripping away the fluff and becoming who you really are. If you have just been going along on autopilot, doing what was expected...you've just been run off that road and pushed over the cliff. Time to pull the ripcord and figure out where you want to land.
Forget her for now. Think of her as a character from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"--she is going to be completely out to lunch for a long, long time, even if she seems to have some things in common with the person she was before that. Now, given that she is "gone" for the time being, what are YOU going to do with this opportunity you have been given to become someone you can be proud of?
I know this is really hard, especially in the beginning, because you are so shocked and disbelieving. Do what you need to do to help yourself recover--just do it in a way that allows you to look at yourself in the mirror later. If you need counseling, get it. If your kids need counseling, get it for them. Get a DB coach...this is the best suggestion I have for you. If you need AD's (as a lot of us do), get them, and stay on them as per your doctor's instructions. Change those bad habits you've been hanging onto, at whatever pace works for you. Eat right, exercise, take care of yourself and your kids. Journal if it helps. Come here and vent or ask for advice.
Now, notice that none of the above has anything to do with your W...no confrontations, no snooping, no R talks, no controlling or sabotage or vindictiveness. This is about YOU, not her, and choosing healthy, positive ways to get your life back on track. Let her follow her own tangled path, without your interference. YOU work on YOU.
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
