I go to register the kids for a week of day-camp while I'm in Europe. WAW filled out the paperwork. Woman doing the registrations?
Woman who lived in WAW's new house.
Well whaddaryagonnado? In a city of 10 million people yer bound to run into someone with a connection to the woman who broke your heart. Ya know - Kevin Bacon and all......
Oh, SP... Well, I'm hiring a Field Service Engineer in my territory! Not quite your cup of tea, but the pay is good. And, think how much fun we'd have, whoopin' it up, updating our sitches, and not getting anything done! Hey, you'd be smack center of the US (almost), far away from all w/a connection!
Seriously, sorry for the suckiness of current reality.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Well whaddaryagonnado? In a city of 10 million people yer bound to run into someone with a connection to the woman who broke your heart. Ya know - Kevin Bacon and all......
Oh, SP... Well, I'm hiring a Field Service Engineer in my territory! Not quite your cup of tea, but the pay is good. And, think how much fun we'd have, whoopin' it up, updating our sitches, and not getting anything done! Hey, you'd be smack center of the US (almost), far away from all w/a connection!
Seriously, sorry for the suckiness of current reality.
Hey, I'm all for this... Let's bring Smiley back to Chicago... where he belongs... and Kevin Bacon never visits...
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
When do I get to not be someone who's getting divorced?
Good answer A&K! heh heh.
Seriously though, this certainly is an ugly time for several of us here. It's kind like another limbo. M is already over and we're waiting for the red tape before we can get our separate spaces. In the meantime, $ and arrangements are difficult.
So when is the bulk of the "getting divorced" over? I'd sure like to know. Seem like we have to point our ship in a direction and start moving. Maybe sometime we wake up and realized how far we've sailed. I think it's going to be a slow and gradual process. Our strength will help us move forward. Lack of it will leave us stuck.
Even so I'm expecting to have "divorce moments" throughout the rest of my life. As long as there are kids, there will be some reason to be in same space as W: soccer games, graduations, weddings, grandkids, etc. And they thought they were getting rid of us. Fun stuff.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Divorce begins in the mind. As long as you're the victim, you're someone who's being divorced. As long as the hurt is so painful, shameful, consuming 'getting divorced' is the reason. Why the hell tell the guy that a divorce is causing you to take a job you find degrading? "I'm getting divorced." or "I'm looking to make extra cash." With one you're limiting your options, the other you're not dependent.
You do what you have to do. Cutting back expenses, not buying the best of the best are all part of the transition from a single household to two. If the funds are not enough, talk to your lawyer about an increase in child support, alimony. Show the numbers, have your wife show hers. The primary caregiver who gets the house and the children usually gets into financial trouble because they're house poor. I know that's why I'm selling the house I got in the divorce to be able to afford a life with my kids rather than big house upkeep.
It sucks big time, but you have the good stuff, quality time with your kids. In the agreement does your wife have the right for first refusal? That if you're not able to be with the kids she has the option of taking them? Consider that. Worst case you'd only have to pay 50% of the camp expenses.
I apologize if it seems like I'm doing that whack, wild woman, avenging angel thing. I'm sorry you're going through this brutal reality of the economic differences during the divorce process.
Hope you enjoy the ministrations of your Florence Nightingale and the date with your wife.
From: Appalled Mutual Friend To: Smiley's Person Subject: Effin Kiddin Me
Hey SP, how's the Europe trip? [Blah blah gossip] Hate to hit you with this but I can't stomach it. [WAW] is actually bragging to people about [Signore Schmuckatelli]. Says it's the best she's ever had in her life. 20 years with you, and this tool is the best? Who she then tells everyone she dumped -- ya right -- because he stood her up like 2 or 3 times. I worried about telling you, but I cant talk with her no more, and that's just total disrespect.
From: Smiley's Person To: Apallaed Mutual Friend Subject: RE: Effin Kiddin Me
Thanks for the solidarity shout-out. "Total disrespect." Yes, probably. But that's who she is these days. I'm not going to worry about it, I'm certainly not going to let it spoil the rest of my trip. A smart woman on that community board I go to said you can stop being the "getting divorced" guy when you choose to. Like in that Passionate Marriage book I gave you, right -- you don't have to believe something until you experience it.
So there it is. I wouldn't believe that [WAW] could become this person, but she has. And if that's who she chooses to be, then having experienced it I'm willing to believe it's her Truth now. More power to her. I'm on my Walk, man, on that path that is for my steps alone. Wherever she goes is her business, and me and Hank are gonna mind our own binnness.
All I have to say to her at this point is "over and out good buddy."
---
We now return us to our regularly scheduled Most Teh Awesome Trip Evah!
Sounds to me like she wanted you to hear about this--maybe especially the part about "she dumped him." To save her pride and perhaps her reputation. Not too classy, but perhaps she's getting desperate.
Enjoy the walk, man. And Flo. You know what they say about nurses, after all....(yeah, and I'm not just sayin' that 'cuz I am one.)
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Not sure I get the point of the friend communicating this but I'm sure intentions are good.
Means zip, zero, nada...
Now go generate some mojo, man. Geez, you think we ever get into the "Too Much Information Department" here or what?? Anyway, uh, have a splendid time down there, or up there or over there...
Not sure I get the point of the friend communicating this but I'm sure intentions are good.
Hey alive! Reading your thread over my pre-run fueling here in Formerly Communist Country. I am so TOTALLY jazzed about where you're at! Gotta fill me in IRL when I return to those States that are United.
Appalled Mutual Friend communicated that (I think) because she's TRULY appalled. It's not that she doesn't "get" divorcing or even that she doesn't "get" affairs (at least in an intellectual sense). She just finds it repellent that WAW -- and AMF knows the Way I've been Walking on the DB Path -- talks about her adventures (a la your TMI reference) so openly and so gleefully. AMF just thinks it's wrong.
And AMF is one of these people (@Gypsy to the contrary notwithstanding) who thinks it does matter and is wrong for Walkaways to construct phonied-up identities for their Left-Behinds when doing so is so transparently rationalizing their own decisions, especially when those Left-Behinds are co-parents. She sort of takes the position, "You're getting what you want [i.e., divorce], haven't you done enough harm?"
As for mojo-generation and nurses (@hoosiermama)...... The R&R part of the trip has been Mojoriffic! My facility with the foreign language came right back; I had funny chats with the locals, nice hikes, wonderful meals (must've gained some poundage, what with the fresh pastries...oy!) The only drain on the Mojo has been the fact that our friends and former enemies in Europe STILL haven't figured out the Magic of the Bottomless Cup of Coffee.
Went to dinner last night in Former Communist Country. Had this absolutely head-smashing fresh raspberry sorbet...in champagne. Oh, yeah. Take a scoop of sorbet, drop it into really, really cold champagne.... I'm pretty sure I still have a complete skull, but I'm a little afraid to check the mirror...
Now it's time for a run along the wide river (October Marathon GAL is getting a Whole Lot More Real), shower-up, and start being a serious International Businessman.
And FYI/apropos of nothing/out of left field/etc. Watched the police of European Country arrest 2 WiFi hackers in the airport yesterday. It was a team that set up a false free public WiFi point in the airport. Scary stuff. Made scarier by the fact that, when the CNN International came on the teevee this a.m., they had a story about just that risk....
