In my head, I interpret his "taking care of business" as pressure/guilt trip. You kow, he has to do it himself since I won't. And last night, as soon as he was done, he's angrily re-arranging pillows, sheets, loudly closing the bathroom door, etc., and this morning was still giving me the cold shoulder.
Bunny, this is about control for you H. He is emotionally abusing you by doing this, and right now he probably does not see it. Sex is about him right now and his feeling, not a shared experienced. It is all about him, he can't feel empathy for you, so don't expect him to stop this behavior.
These dynamics are described exactly in the book "The verbally abusive relationship" I hate to mention that book, because there are things in it that I completely disagree with, but in these instances it is dead on.
I fell into this same trap myself when my W started pulling back, to see what I had done to her then disgusts me, but I didn't even know it, I had not the tools or experience to understand what was happening, or how I was hurting her. However, I can now see these like a red flag. It shames me to no end, but I have committed to becoming a stronger better man, and NEVER doing this again to ANYONE. It's something I will need to work on every day of the rest of my life.
The problem for you here, I believe, is it can be that you have been under this type of abuse for a very long time, and you can begin to doubt yourself about it, and start to put the blame on you, rather than were it belongs on him.
I urge you to look into this, for yourself, your going to continue to be hurt until, and if, he can recognize what he is doing.
For me, it took my W's dropping the bomb to flick the light switch on to my behaviors, and I am actually grateful to her for doing so regardless of how our sitch comes out in the end.
(((bunny))) you can do this, your a strong independent women who deserves the best!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
