I enjoyed your story OD. Has to be some line between people who care about ea. other.
I used to see BF a few times a wk on the road. That went on for about 4 months. He was always driving past someplace I was or I'd suddenly notice my car was behind his. It was pretty weird. It hasn't happened at all for 2 months. Whatever that means.
I do need to contact him to come get his stuff. The house is in ok shape. Could be better, but I've started keeping the get rid of boxes in the dining room so they're not all over. I sold some furntiture and threw a lot away. It actually looks pretty good. Now I hesitate to call cuz I know there is a chance it's the last time I'll see him. I haven't had a chance to begin my personal transformation so I don't know what he'd see as a hugely new me. I've been so consumed with the apartment situation that I haven't had time to make the changes that are on my goals list.
When I met BF I was DBing my a@@ off because of my split with exh. I was running every other day, doing a yoga practice 2x wk, meditating every morning & making offerings to buddha. I was reading books, studying french, practicing tango, traveling & going out a lot. Business was doing great & I worked a 4 day wk so I had my house in great shape and I was cooking. That was all 180's for me after my H left. Shortly after meeting BF I was in a car accident and the injuries prevented me from running & yoga. My business suffered a serious of setbacks - I missed 6 months of work, had an employee walkout (my best staff all left to open 3 blocks away), my lease ran out and rent went to 8K, I moved store location which involved a gut out reno which cost a fortune, immediately followed by the economy belly flip. My savings is gone. I've really been struggling. I worked 7 days a wk for 2 years.. Even now I work 6 days 10-12 hours a day. One day off is scarcely enough to keep up on bkpng let alone house work and cooking. My life was in totally different shape when I met BF than it is now. I must have looked like the perfect woman. (Well except that I was hung up on my ex for a long time.) Although my situation is understandable, it isn't going to help turn BF around from his resolved cours. BF was coming out of a 9 month recovery from a terrible work accident when we met and he had lost his business and his equipment. He'd left his house to his ex & son and was living with his brother. He worked very hard to build back his life. I saw him go from flat broke with no work into someone with a very successful business. He had told me he'd have a million by the end of this summer and I bet he does. When we met, I was the successful one who was doing so many interesting things and he was a really nice but broke guy with lots of time on his hands. Now the table has turned. Hes going gangbusters and I'm just scrapping by. I intended to revive my 180's, but then the apartment situation got out of hand and I've spent every day off looking for an apartment since early June. I have no time for taking care of myself in ways on my goal list.
Waa waa. What a baby I sound like.So call him & he'll come get his stuff & see me just like I was, only worse? Not good. If I can't get myself on a better routine yet. I'll have to fake it til I make it. How to appear like a happy person who's doing all these wonderful things when I'm stressed to the max?

My goals are to go back to what I was doing that made me happy & must have attracted BF. The 180's I was practicing:
Meditation - Although it may help, I can't even imagine doing that right now with my nervous busy mind. It would be extremely difficult to do that practice from where I am right now mentally. I want to wait at least until I sign a lease or more likely until I move.
Running - Can't run with my puppy until she's done growing and her hips are cleared as safe. The time I would have to do that, I'm in the dog park excersiing her. She can't do high impact for at least 6 more months.
Cooking - Need a different work schedule b 4 this will happen. Just planning meals & shopping is too much for me to keep up with, never mind the clean up. Too easy to pick up a menu. We have every meal delivered.
Reading - I can't focus on the words on a page with my brain spinning about my living situation
Travel - too broke & can't leave work.
Going out - it's too expensive for me to night life right now. And I have no energy for it.
Tango, French, Travel, etc. all cost money I don't have right now.
Yoga - can't do since accident. Injury in neck flares up if I bend forward

Conclusion is, I need some 180's that don't require time & money. Hmm. Here's what I've done:
1. Focus clearly on business & steer it back onto course. I am doing a lot in this area, esp. since BF left. I launched the product co, I do a promotional event 1x month which involves press & live music, I have launced a FB presence, run promos, hired new staff, expanded services. I also am little by little getting the store more finished & funking it up. I have done 2 art exhibits in the store since BF left. That's clearly where most of my money & time & creative energy is going. I think this is the right place since I am working my butt off to make it successful again. BF would be impressed with all I've done with the business, even if I haven't seen it make a difference yet. But he won't see it. He built the store for me, sacrificing nearly 4 months of his life to do it. But he never finished it. I had waited for him to do finishing bits here and there. Now that he's walked out - I'm taking charge and doing it myself. I've installed new gates, painted, varnished, got a new desk, brought in w/d, etc. It looks done to anyone who didn't know the original plan - but I'm slowly moving along to completion.
2. Having fun with Daughter & dogs. We're having a lot of laughs and spending more time together. We have gotten really into dog training & exercise. Our dogs can do tons of cool tricks. Our dogs btw, are so cute and fun. We've taught them so much this summer. Everyone is so amazed when we show off the cute things they can do. And their obedience work is impressive too. BF doesn't like animals and won't be impressed with this change. It's just fun for me & daughter.
3. Stopped tv habit. I have no time or energy to watch it anymore. I am down to maybe an hour a wk. BF & I got into a habit of watching for hours together every eve.
4. Attending free concerts & spening time with friends. I have done stuff like this. Don't have much schedule for stuff like this, but I'm squeezing as much is as possible. BF was always amazed & happy about the activity ideas I always came up with. He tends to stick to a routine & my ideas were always fun adventures for us & our kids. He would have loved our day yesterday. After looking at 4 apts, we drove upstate to a park and let the dogs have a swim. We hiked and relaxed. They played grease outside at the park, so we sat out under the stars to watch this silly classic. The grass, the stars, the lake are all welcome change from city life. We got back really late, but it was fun.
5. Going thru years of accumulated stuff and clutter in closets. It's purging to move, & it feels great. I condensed 20 boxes of storage down to 6. I'm throwing away loads of stuff. BF would be impressed over this project, but it's hard to see if you don't live here. The result in progress is a mess, worse not better.

Done with this thinking for now. I have to call him soon cuz his stuff in basement is in the way of my uncluttering!