Jut stopping by to say hello. Your apartment conditions sound bad- I'm so glad you're getting good advice from Michelle. Isn't she great? ( Michelle!)
Your comment about trying to transmit emotion to people struck a chord. Ages and ages ago, I went camping with my BF and a couple of other friends. The first evening I turned in early but he went out with his friend, but halfway through the night I thought I heard him right outside the tent speaking to a woman and telling her about me with love. The next morning I told him about my dream and he was really freaked out because it turned out he'd been in a bar 3km away but had had the exact conversation I described with a woman he met there.
I like to think that he was transmitting his love for me out and it managed to find me and wake me up. He was so hot!
Michelle!)