Just Divorced.....Angst, Anger and Anticipation

[native]

Just a few days before we signed the D papers, W told me that the time of seperation helped her clairfy how she felt.

And she felt like she did not like herself when she was with me. (is that my fault?)

It has been a long and painful year of seperation so in some way I am glad its finally over. Had she chose reconcilliation without some sort of epiphany on her part, it would have been an exercise in futility, much like it was as I tried to 'carry' our marriage w/o any effort on her part. (She expected me to do it all, from childcare and house chores to initiating romance).

So I am glad not not have to deal with that anymore because it wasn't fair and it was doomed to failure.

I have angst because of the upheaval this has caused to my daughter, about to turn 7. We have joint custody and by choosing this route, my ex has made life and parenting so much harder for us all. Or at least me, bc she still doesn't seem fully invested as a parent or concerned about the longterm impact on our D.

And lastly I have anger because I hate her for what she has done to me, after all I have tried to do to 'fix' this, to be good to her, to grow in the last year and she basically has spat on it.
She has not shown the slightest personal growth or insight into her own behavior, and the conversation about how she contributed really hasn't happened. She chalks it all up to us not being compatible. Of course, I have a different view.
She is also dating someone seriously, and that makes me angry as well.

So it looks like I have landed here, whether I like it or not.

Out of all this pain, however, I can honestly say I can see great new possibilities. I have a great deal more information about relationships and have used the time to grow. I have greater peace in general dealing with difficult people and healing has gone on in other relationships (ie parents) that otherwise may not have happened.

I am looking forward to putting my life back together with the help of wise DB'rs here. As I post, feel free to comment. I will be reading your threads and getting to know you as well.

Let's take everything we have learned and create the lives and relationships that we all know are possible.