My Wifes MLC

[Dawn of Hope]

It really does sound like she has an OM. How do you know she doesn't? Have you checked her phone records or computer use?

That would make sense though wouldn't it. Who knows - I haven't checked her phone records or computer use. I'm glad I haven't because if I did she would state that I am controlling. She has repeatedly stressed that this is not happening but I don't trust anything coming out of he mouth at this point.

I think it is best to assume that there is OM involved, but I hate to tell newbies that because it is so painful, and sometimes you need to hold onto that hope just to make it through in the beginning. Don't accuse her of anything, don't ask her about it (and keep on not trusting anything she says), and keep in mind that generally snooping is more hurtful to you than beneficial (take it from those of us still trying to erase the images from our memories), but do what you can to protect yourself and kids in case she is having an A (physically, financially, legally...whatever you feel needs to be done to keep her from bringing you all down in a heap).

Accusing LBS of being controlling (or similar comments) is one of the big guns in the MLC playbook. My H couldn't quite find anything to accuse me of being controlling about (because I absolutely let him do whatever he wanted without any complaint or objection after the bomb...but that is another discussion). However, he did accuse me of "stalking" OW, even though all I ever did was to secretly (or so I thought) look her up online. I never contacted her or anyone she knew other than H, never sought her out in RL, never did anything to make her life more difficult beyond working on attracting my H back to the M...I have never even spoken to H of her since the bomb. And yet he accused me of "stalking" her. Yep, apparently your definition of "stalking" is different than mine, H...just like your definition of "love."

So, your takeaway point here is that MLCers see things in a way that makes no sense to normal people, even if they themselves used to be normal; they are not rational, and you cannot rely on them for very much. They board the MLC crazy train and take a trip around the world...and most of the time, it takes them about that long to get through MLC (like a round the world trip on the slow train...80 days my foot! Mostly they get stuck in the Himalayas for a couple of years!).

Peace,
Dawn