H with 1foot out the door...LONG

[ginab1966]

So, I get out of my CoDA meeting and I've had my phone off the entire time. As I'm racing home to get there by the time I said I would be home (H doesn't trust me), I get a text that says "Don't rush, I"m not going out". I was actually very angry with him. I was rushing home. I could've stayed and talked with people but I was rushing home so that he could do what he wanted to do. When I got here, he was asleep with his door shut. So, he didn't go out, which I am now assuming means he's breaking our dinner tomorrow night and going out then. But, I guess I'll get the answer to that tomorrow. However, I am not going to ask about it. I am going along tomorrow as if the babysitter is coming and we are going out. If he tells me he is going out alone instead of going out with me, I will deal with that when the time comes. I'm supposed to act fine about it, right? LIke I could care less? OMG, he is going to see right though that. But, I will do the best acting job that I possibly can. I just can't believe how hard this is. BUT...I did do something for me tonight and the meeting was amazing. I just have to keep going. I"m committed to this process and I know it's going to be hard. Can you imagine if this really works and I save my marriage. That really would be a miracle. More importantly, imagine if I come out of this a changed human being..for the better of course. That's almost better than saving the marriage and I'm just starting to see a glimpse in the truth of what I just said. LOL

Hope you all have a good night whever you are in your journey. If you aren't, I will pray that the night is short and peace eventually ascends.

Gina B