Thanks for checking in on me. I'm going to go read up on what's going on with you two after I tell you what happened tonight.
I came home from work, and fastened my seatbelt tightly after what happened last night. So H comes right home from work again tonight. I make dinner with some of the food he brought home last night. When it was finished, I told him dinner was ready if he would like some. He said "Sure!" We did eat in seperate rooms however. H in den/office, and me in front of TV in livingroom. He came in and asked me if I was done, because he was insisting he do the dishes. I can see him from here, and he has this look about him, a contented/familiar "old H" look. He even told me to turn the channel earlier because there was something I would be interested in watching. Somewhere I had been on vacation.
So, I will continue to keep that seatbelt fastened. He just finished the dishes and went back in the other room. Seems he still can't get too close. Guilt? He could still care less? Baby steps?
I was talking to another teacher today at school, and she asked me if I ever saw the movie Fireproof. I said I had. She then tells me that she wished the movie had been out when she was going through her D several years ago. She told me she would have followed what was done in the movie, because if she had, she may have not been D today. Interesting...
Focus, focus, focus... Keep my eyes off the situation, and don't analyze.
How nice that you saw glimpses "old" H for the second day in a row! I know, focus, focus, focus!:) And keep that seatbelt fastened.
I have seen Fireproof and had actually been doing the Love Dare book pre-bomb when I was just trying to make things "better" as I couldn't seem to do anything right. Since then I have figured out what was truly going on. Anyway, the movie was really powerful and I am hoping at some point H and I could work through the book together. Since reading DB I see that so much of that is pursuing which is great in the right circumstances but I figured out I needed to just move out of the way for now.
Woo Hoo! I made it through the first week of school! Last year at this time, right before the first day of school, H told me he was filing for D. I was devastated, didn't know this stranger he had become, and missed the first two weeks of school. I'm so grateful they didn't let me go.
Journaling...
H has continued to come home right after work all this week. We eat dinner,( H still doesn't eat with me, continues to eat in den/office, myself in livingroom ) and he washes the dishes.
Two nights ago, after I went to bed, I heard H talking on the phone. He was talking somewhat sternly, and the only thing I could make out what he said was " I know you don't!" I have no clue who he was talking to, but if he was talking to skank, this would be something new. It was only texts before, and his cell would be on vibrate.
So, last night... He was sitting in den/office, and his cell must have gone off every five minutes for at least two hours. I don't know what was going on. Every time it would go off, I would turn the TV up. I finally had enough, and busied myself with other things.
H also continues with his new morning routine. He used to leave the house by 6:30, having to be at work by 8:00. Now he leaves after me, and this morning ( I don't work on friday ) he left at 7:30. I was sitting on my bed reading some scriptures out of the Bible, when he walked right by my bedroom and left. No good bye, have a nice day. He didn't even bring the newspaper in the house like he did before this all started. I guess this is the rule in the MLC handbook for the morning departure. lol
I have made it a point to be gone every weekend. I don't like being here while he does his thing. Coming and going all weekend long, and me at home fretting over if he is with the skank or not. When I left last weekend, I was thinking how sad this all was. Another weekend leaving town because H has become a stranger. I am trying to decided if I am strong enough to stay home this weekend. I would love to be home. I much rather be home with H who has come to his senses. Any advice for me would be appreciated. Should I stay or should I go? If I stay, I need to be strong. Am I ready for that.
Congratulations on making it through your first week of school! You sound like you are doing well. And sounds like maybe there is a little (or hopefully a lot) of trouble in "paradise?"
Is this new morning routine as of recent or do you mean since MLC?
I think if you want to stay home, then stay. As you said, you are ready to be strong. Do you have places you can get out to locally to get out of the house, particularly if being at home starts getting too hard? It is hard to not let their crazy behavior dictate in some sense what we do, isn't it? Isn't your mom close? Could you go there later in the weekend if you need to?
The new morning routine started when he got back from his trip w/skank.
Mmmm.... Trouble in "Paradise" ? I can only hope! I think that's why I'm having so much trouble staying home this weekend. This past week, I saw glimpses of "old" H that I haven't seen in a long time. Like maybe the fog was clearing. If I stay home, I may see that it's just as thick as ever, and be so disappointed. Kind of like what you don't see won't hurt you. Let's see, how do you spell DENIAL? lol
It's so hard when your still living with your H in MLC. How are you doing with this? I want to go see how you've been doing lately with this. As soon as I decide whether I'm staying or going.
The JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH!
I need to remember where my focus needs to be, and not on what he's doing!
You are an encouragement to me - just wanted to let you know that.
Maybe the trip was just too much skank (LOVE that word, by the way) and he is seeing her for what she really is.
I am having a very hard time living with the MLC lately. I am not sure why - maybe because I do see glimpses of H and then he disappears and I do not like the "new" him. I have let my prayer time slide due to lots else going on so I'm sure my focus is not where it needs to be. There are times I just want to be done and walking seems like the easier option but I won't. Not yet anyway.:)
I am headed to a church group tonight that always helps me and I always come back feeling good.
