I think I may have said this before, but I am impressed by your ability to deflect his anger. I have to laugh every time I think about you sticking your fingers in your ears when he starts to rant. What better way to communicate with a child, right? That is "language" they understand!:)
Keep doing what you are doing - you are an inspiration!
Thanks so much for all this support! It is just so heartening. Mach, you truly have amazing insights into this whole business.
Yes, I`m living with a bad dog right now but I`m hoping he`ll turn back to the basically good doggie he used to be!
Yes, I`ve figured recently that I was drawn to this particular dog for my learning and healing within myself.
Boy, am I learning and healing...
My therapist is separated. I suspect that colours her thinking. She`s a wiase loving woman though and is helping me figure what in me triggers H`s behaviour. I`m glad of that. This is my MLC too! My journey. My time to learn.
My goal right now MB, is to stay safe and calm!
I let yesterday unfold trusting that God would help me with that. I found time to take in a nap while the kids were at tennis. I`m getting a ton of sleep lately but find this anxiety ty thing really draining.
I indulged in a little retail therapy.
Visited friends of ours that I hadn`t seen in months. They were the perfect antidote to my grey mood. Al laughter light and warmth. And the kids had a blast with their gang.
DS12 picked up a Feng Shui bible. He reckons we need it for the chi in the house. Funny, cos I`ve been thinking that lately.Something to lighten the feel of the place. Getting started on that today.
Didn`t meet H at all yesterday. That`s fine for now. Gives me space to feel what I`m feeling. I`d find pretending to be light hearted and upbeat with H just a tad difficult right now! But on the plus side I know my anger has evaporated, I can feel a stronger thread of connectedness with people, greater love, patience and calmness. Greater sadness too.
Mach, buddy, it just is so lousy that your W has such a gift in you and cannot see it. I hope she comes to her senses.
Yeah, a lot of the answers are inside of us, changes have to be made. Another common theme though, seems to be these Life Crises seem to bite harder on those who have lived through very difficult childhoods. Maybe we`ve got to try and understand the effect of that too.
I have spent much time thinking about how much childhood really plays into this. Considering the issues that I have worked through because of this journey that stemmed from childhood, I believe it really is a major factor. Ok that and a few other reasons, like watching H become a 5 year old, listening to S compare H to a 12 year old...
Something I have read about forgivness and healing is that sometimes we have to do it in layers. You think something doesn't bother you anymore, then one day blam it hits you in the face again and you have to deal with it all over until one day that just seems to stop and there is peace. I have experienced that with some of my deeper hurts and I have wondered if that explains the cycling of the MLCer.
I know your therapist is trying to make you think and she really does seem to be doing a good job, but definatly be careful if you think her own separation is clouding her judgment. I know your H is in another room. I hated that at first here, but it did turn out to be a good thing. I think I'm ready for it to be over now but....
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I know for sure that the childhood issues are feeding my H's MLC because he has specifically brought them up. I can see other issues that he hasn't specifically tied to his childhood that as an outsider looking in totally can see it.
Cat,I meant to comment on your forgiveness in layers comment. I feel like I am cycling through that a lot this week and things I thought I had moved past I haven't. Actually, I am having trouble with any kind of forgiveness at the moment.
You know what`s really helping me with the forgiveness thing now(well-for today anyway!) is realising that everything and everybody is teaching me something. No matter what H does its ultimately for my own learning.
Not forgiving puts me in the angry zone. I really don`t want to do that to myself anymore.Its too wearing on me.
Not forgiving makes me difficult to live with. And its funny what your kids pick up. DS11 said last night that I was in good humour lately. I complimented him on being so perceptive and said yes, I was and that I was learning to be calmer.
Really sorry you`re having a heard time of it lately TIF. Wish I`d learnt all I learnt these past few weeks a year or two ago.
All this pain is helping you hugely with your spiritual growth. You can see it that way, or fight it.
