My feeling, at first glance, is that you might be making things regarding XW and BF too much about you. I'd be tempted to leave it along in both cases for the time being.
It sounds to me that XW isn't comfortable with you. She may never be comfortable with you. But that isn't your problem! I imagine that she knows, at some level that she behaved badly, and I think it makes it uncomfortable. But I don't think that you pointing it out to you is going to help, and it may well hurt.
As far as your interactions with BF go, why are you offended? Again, it's his problem, not yours. I imagine that his reactions are based on following XW's lead, as well as trying to act the way he thinks she wants him to, to impress her. And I expect that she has told him all the dirt about you, so he probably doesn't think much of you from that standpoint. Again, I don't think saying anything about it is going to help.
The only thing I think you can do is to keep your sides of the interactions dignified. You might even go for less cordial, though still polite. They might feel that your cordiality is trying to force them into a friendlier relationship than they want to have. In time, perhaps they will be comfortable enough to follow your example. But you can't force it.
When D starts to pick up the signs of tension, she is also going to see where they come from, again, you can't control it.