I do feel much more in control of my life right now. I think that is a bit difficult for GF to handle b/c I'm completely different from anyone she's ever been w/before.
One of her good friends last night told me that I am "definitely different" and that is what spooks her a bit. Her other long-time GF told me a few weeks ago that GF "loves me, but she's not sure how to do it and wants to do it right."
So, I realize that I'm far more genuine and real than anyone she's ever been w/before, so my challenge is to be patient while I just consistently be me.
It is difficult at times to sit back and wait for things to happen when they are right in front of you, but I know I can't push this issue at all or it will fold up.
GF has told me "I know myself and I'll run" so I just keep telling her that I'll continue to earn her trust w/my consistency and through my actions.
That's the only way to go mainly b/c it is the best way for us for the long haul.
So, I'm here in Minnesota as my cousin go married today. The wedding was nice and simple and now I'm just at the hotel getting ready for bed. The only negative is my flight is at 7:30 am tomorrow. Ugh!
Well, the latest on GF is good. She's accepted a job and is scheduled to begin Monday or Tuesday. However, within an hour of her accepting the new job, she was cajoled into interviewing for another position and it turns out it is EXACTLY what she's looking for.
So, she's now buying time before starting the "new" job so she can see if they want her for the "dream" position. She's dealing w/a bit of guilt b/c she may be leaving after accepting, but I'm working w/her on that as it is a business and she has to do what is in HER best interest ultimately.
Thus, she's anxious, but w/great feelings about the "dream" job. I'm very excited for her as it will go a long way to letting her relax and de-stress. Once the job question is cleared up, we'll start to take off.
That's when things will be really, really cool for us.
Well, I'm done w/my first day of classes and I'm tired. The gearing back up mentally is draining, so I'm always beat during this week back.
I spent last night w/GF. We worked on some things around her house and then went shopping to pick up a few things. She reached out for my hand to hold as soon as we were out of the car and sat w/her hand on my leg during dinner. She is getting more and more affectionate now which is a good sign that her stress is abating a bit.
I'll be over there a bit afte work this week as we're throwing her daughter a surprise 16th party on Saturday, so we'll be prepping the property and getting it ready. It should be a lot of fun.
In fact, I think I'm heading out of here now for the night and I'll be back at it again tomorrow.
Thanks for checking in w/me in the midst of all your turmoil. You gotta know, I love ya, babe!
Well, the latest for me is quite good. GF found out yesterday that she was offered her "dream job" position and we hung out together last night, had a few drinks, and celebrated the fact that things are finally coming together for her.
We stayed up very late, so I'll be more tired than usual today and we made sure to write he resignation letter to her other employers (the job she took but really didn't want) last night. She's going to start w/the new company on Monday, so she's taking the next two days off to just chill out and relax for the first time in a while w/out a ton of stress hanging over her.
As I mentioned, we were up pretty late and we started to talk about a few things about us. GF brought them up as she's had questions she's wanted to ask me about and she said she can now focus on us b/c she's finally able to let go of her other stressors. I have been noticing some changes w/her lately that were pointing toward her starting to want to move us forward. It really began w/the little things like her sending me notes saying she was thinking of me and her contacting me and inviting me over for dinner, etc.
I really am starting to feel very comfortable w/GF and I no longer feel as if I have to be worried about how she feels about me. It is nice to have that type of confidence back in a relationship again.
So anyway, last night we talked a bit about my past, my marriage, what I mean when I've told her I've made "changes" in the past 18 months, etc. It was good. We talked about where we were headed and "falling in love" to which she said "I don't know if I'm in love w/you" and I said "I don't know if I am either, but I'm inerested to find out if I will fall in love w/you in time."
I asked her questions as well, but mostly I let her lead and probe into whatever arena she wanted. I let her know that I'm an open book and she has access to anything and everything. I also told her if she discovers she doesn't like what she finds about me, then we'll just move in our own separate diretions b/c I am who I am and there isn't much that I can do about that.
I'm comfortable and comfortable w/me, w/my mistakes, w/the lessons I've learned and w/my continuous efforts to become better. Overall, it went very, very well --- although I'm paying the price for staying up to almost 3 am on a school night...but it was worth it b/c we were finally able to stop worrying about the outside world and take time to talk about us.
It is cool to be moving forward w/the R. I'm so glad we're being cautious and careful b/c it feels like we're building a solid foundation which, I have learned, is something I've never really done before.
All my previous relationships were so darn needy on both my end and on the end of the lady I was with. I was so unhealthy then that I looked for something to plug a hole inside of myself and thus, jumped right in way too soon. The trust wasn't firmly established and as a result, the foundation wasn't strong enough to get through the really tough times.
So, we'll be hanging out again on Saturday as she's throwing a surprise party for her 16 year old (I'm helping quite a bit w/it too) and I know we'll be talking a ton in the interim...so as usual, I'll keep you posted.
So, there isn't much to report on the GF front. She slept most of the day yesterday after we were up all night and I crashed out cold around 7 pm. We're in the final stages of planning of the party on Saturday and she's nervous b/c she wants it to be great!
However, the real reason I want to post this morning is b/c I'm a bit frustrated w/the situation w/my X. Now, before I continue, I always want to hear what people are thinking about GF and I, but this particular post is focused on X and her latest BF.
Ok, here is what is bugging me....the relationship w/X and I is a bit cold now. I'm trying to be cordial and communicate, but there is still such bitterness in X which comes across in her limited converstations w/me as well as her tense, rigid body language every time we meet to exchange D.
As far as X is concerned, I'm thinking of asking her if the two of us could meet up and clear the air of anything we have hanging over our heads so we can move forward and try to work constructively in regards to D. However, I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. Would I be better served to write a letter and not expect any feedback or is it better to meet face-to-face, talk things out and get the feedback right there? I'm in a place where I can openly admit where I would change things in the D proceedings if given the chance to go back as well as to directly let her know what I think about her lies, insuations and mistruths. Should this be something that I get out and discuss w/her or is it just better left unsaid?
What do you think? I'm grappling w/it a lot.
Also, I'm not sure what to do about BF either. I really don't care to get along w/him b/c how he's been acting as of late lets me know he's a real a-hole. However, it is getting to the point where I'm not only annoyed, but offended as well.
Let me explain...whenever I drop off/pick up D, BF is there. He is always w/X like the two were Siamese twins or something. First, let me be clear, I could care less that X is in a relationship and in fact and SUPER glad she's got someone b/c that means she'll spend less time talking w/me (see whenever she's alone, she looks to me as someone she can talk to and buddy up with. In fact, she did this on her last trip to Indiana when I called one time to talk w/D and X wanted to be chatty and friendly on the phone. So, if she has a man around, she'll leave me alone...which is a very good thing).
Anyway, when I see them, I always greet BF and say hello or whatever. Lately, over the past month or so (maybe longer), BF has been completely rude and says NOTHING. He rarely, if ever even gives eye contact. It is completely rude and I am offended. However, am I making something out of nothing here?
I don't want D to see tension in our R, but right now, X and her BF are giving out some very negative signals whenever we're together in front of D. I'm pretty sure that if D isn't picking up on these now, she certainly will in the future.
So, is this something I should address or is it a situation where I just be myself and show consistency to D through my actions and words and let her make her own decisions about what and why X and BF are doing what they are doing?
If I do discuss it, do I only address it w/X or do I talk w/BF too? Again, not sure, but I am thinking a lot about it recently as it really does bug me.
As always, I'd love to hear what you think about this (as well as the other aspects of my life).
My feeling, at first glance, is that you might be making things regarding XW and BF too much about you. I'd be tempted to leave it along in both cases for the time being.
It sounds to me that XW isn't comfortable with you. She may never be comfortable with you. But that isn't your problem! I imagine that she knows, at some level that she behaved badly, and I think it makes it uncomfortable. But I don't think that you pointing it out to you is going to help, and it may well hurt.
As far as your interactions with BF go, why are you offended? Again, it's his problem, not yours. I imagine that his reactions are based on following XW's lead, as well as trying to act the way he thinks she wants him to, to impress her. And I expect that she has told him all the dirt about you, so he probably doesn't think much of you from that standpoint. Again, I don't think saying anything about it is going to help.
The only thing I think you can do is to keep your sides of the interactions dignified. You might even go for less cordial, though still polite. They might feel that your cordiality is trying to force them into a friendlier relationship than they want to have. In time, perhaps they will be comfortable enough to follow your example. But you can't force it.
When D starts to pick up the signs of tension, she is also going to see where they come from, again, you can't control it.
