My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

I'm in the same boat. My x isn't a chaplain, but a Boy Scout leader. It isn't easy, but my IC and the kids' IC just keep telling me that, in the end, the kids know. They will know what their father did.
So, I listen to my D tell me stories about her time over there. It is more centered on the other little girl there (no stories about how great the gf is, yet).

It sucks, but like you said, you don't want her to stop telling you about her time there. My refrain has been, if anything or anyone, ANYwhere, makes you uncomfortable, you can always come to me and tell me. I don't say this as they are about to go over there or while they are there, just in random conversation. And it does apply to everything - school, friends, etc.
The kids IC has pointed out that, as much as I would like to, I can't protect my kids from everything, be with them everywhere and isolate them. There will be bullies, teachers they don't like, etc. It just has to be like that - be supportive.

That's good advice. And D13 does know what her father did. She articulates that quite well--without my asking. She's just trying to make the best of the situation. I can remember doing the same thing when I was growing up--and I hate that she has to do it too.

I have a fairly specific concern about the hypocrisy, tho. My faith is very important to me; at the moment, my religion is the only structure and community I have to offer D13. I want her to grow up with the values I've spent 13 years trying to instill--but kids are so sensitive to hypocrisy, and I'm so afraid it will kill her faith. All I can do, I know, is continue to live it in a healthy way, continue to be an example. The rest I have to let go.