I'm in the same boat. My x isn't a chaplain, but a Boy Scout leader. It isn't easy, but my IC and the kids' IC just keep telling me that, in the end, the kids know. They will know what their father did. So, I listen to my D tell me stories about her time over there. It is more centered on the other little girl there (no stories about how great the gf is, yet).
It sucks, but like you said, you don't want her to stop telling you about her time there. My refrain has been, if anything or anyone, ANYwhere, makes you uncomfortable, you can always come to me and tell me. I don't say this as they are about to go over there or while they are there, just in random conversation. And it does apply to everything - school, friends, etc. The kids IC has pointed out that, as much as I would like to, I can't protect my kids from everything, be with them everywhere and isolate them. There will be bullies, teachers they don't like, etc. It just has to be like that - be supportive.
