A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Gramma was removed from life support around 4:30 and she passed shortly after 6 pm. My mother and sister were there with her, and she's in a better place. When I look up at the sky at night and see the shooting stars, I know she it there.

H got back around 9 pm last night. I was absolutely emotionally exhausted. I probably shouldn't have asked, but I said I would like to sleep in the master bed that night just to not be alone. I did not please or beg, there was strength in stating what I wanted.

He stared at the floor a long time then told me yes, but only f we didn't touch. Rejection time!! If I hadn't goofed by asking, I'm pretty sure I did goof when I backed off saying that if he was uncomfortable, I would just sleep on the couch.

I went to the couch, cried and regrouped for 10 mins or so then dusted myself off and went back to the side of the bed.

"Can I get a do-over? Is the offer for no touching still good?"

He said it was, so I climbed in and we both went to sleep. It's a Cal king bed, so there were at least three feet between us, but being in there at all was extremely soothing, it felt 'right' and it *was* just what I needed at the time.

And there was no touching - until morning. When we woke up, he reached out and held my hand, pulled it to his lips and kissed my fingertips. I gave him three squeezes and he returned them. He said my leg looked awful pretty in the moonlight. I pointed out that he couldn't see my legs at present.

"No, last night when I got up. Your nightgown took a walk and you were just beautiful."

I thanked him and was rewarded with another three squeezes. Then we laid there holding hands until the cats came in and demanded to be fed.