Waiting for the counseling session, W tells me she told MIL about affair and desire for seperation. She said that the MIL was very upset and seemed somewhat surprised that the MIL "took my side" as strongly as she did. She also told me that she bought the book "Contemplating Divorce". She made note that it was a "Workbook" not a "How To".
She brought up the desire to seperate in the MC session. The counselor, asked her her reasons and how far along in the planning she was. Then said, essentially that there was no reason for us to be in marriage counseling if we were not going to be working on our marriage. He is going to see me as an IC, she already has an IC.
I arrive home from session, greet the children and receive an big hug from a very emotional MIL, who is staying with us for 3 weeks. It was hard not to get choked up, so I went up to lie down. On my way up I hear the girls ask mommy "Why is everyone crying?" MIL came into the room a few minutes later to express how sorry she was and that she was going to pray for me.
Got my composure and shaved my goatee. I had one because my wife had mentioned that she liked them and liked the way it looked on me. I guess I looked at it as a way of taking control of my own life. Then went for a long walk as the counselor suggested.
When I got home, W noticed that I had shaved the goatee and made a comment that it made me look younger. I helped putting the 2 girls to bed and went to our room to continue reading "We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love". It is not somethng I would normally read (I am an engineer that enjoys the more concrete), but I am finding it intersting and it does help me understand the dynamics in our behavior.
W comes in a few minutes later, she has tears in her eyes and says "You must hate me?" I simply say "I don't hate you." She lies down to start her workbook. I can tell she wants to talk, but doesn't say anything. I give her my attention, but do not say anything either. After a moment, she asks how am I doing. I think I just shrugged my shoulders and asked how she was. She said "Sad. I am having a hard time." I think my reply was "Sorry." She puts her book down, she couldn't have read more than a paragragh, grabs my hand, kisses it, and says goodnight. I can tell she is having a hard time; I ask if she feels if she is at the bottom of a canyon with every cliff to steep to climb. She replies "Yes. I feel trapped in a hole." The adds " or between a wall and a sword".
She woke up early this morning and went down to work in the workbook. I stayed in bed for about 45 more minutes, then went down with our eldest daughter. I sat down on the couch to continue some reading. W moved to be next to me. We didn't say anything, we just read.
After taking my shower, I was in a towel putting cream on myself for my eczema. My wife asks if I want her to put some on my back. I reply "Does it need it?" She says "It is red". I hand her the tube. She doesn't rush through putting it on. When she finishes, she gives a little giggle. I give her a puzzling look; she goes on to say "It's strange. How in some ways we can be so connected and in others so distant". I reply "I understand how we are connected; I don't understand how we are so distant". She said "It is hard to explain." I turn around. She looks at me and says "You look great." One benefit to all this anxiety is that I have lost 25 lbs.
I was about to leave for work. She says "Wait. I will walk out with you." I oblige. As we reach her car, she turns and asks for a hug. We hug and she kisses me on the cheek. As we pull away, I look at her and say "This is hard." She says "It is hard. Hopefully, this workbook will help." I ask "How?" Her reply "Hopefully it will help me figure out what I want to do. One way or the other."
