WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Hey You
You make it sound like we'll never chat again and I have a pretty good feeling we will.

I agree, if it's possible for you to be friends or as close to it, try that route. I know you won't be this weekend and she deserves to be in "time out" if you will.

Try this....think about how the boys would want you to treat her. Think of how the person you admire the most for the diginity they display, how would they handle this and her? Act accordingly. In the end, your ability to honestly say "I treated you with dignity and respect you earned as the mother of my children despite what you did" is going to be worth SO much in the end, no matter how this turns out.

I think the other thing to consider is that email....the tactical one about the boys....she didn't really need to email you at all. It was an excuse to make contact and an attempt to open a window to play nice.

Stronger,

I am sure we will as well. I almost called you last nite as I was really struggling with the situation and all the thoughts everyone had offered.

I will not see her until Sun evening when she gets the boys, but I do not know how I could even look at her. When I Skype'd my boys, I had seen her on the camera a couple of times (walking by). In my heart, I no longer saw my wife. I did not recognize the person I saw.

Even now, I am hurting really bad, but I need to keep it together for work. I had told my boss I need to leave by 2PM today so that I can get the boys at camp/day care so I will not need to see her. I don't think he was happy about that but he seemed to understand.

I'm thinking of having my lawyer tell her the following: "I do not believe that a divorce is the solution for us but I will not consider working on a relationship where there are other parties involved." And then follow up with the fact that I want primary custody of the boys and various other things.

Or should I make the quoted statement to her in person (without getting into the legalese stuff)?

Or does the statement sound too pathetic/weak?

I do believe she is opening a window to play nice as all along she had said that she wants us to be great friends as we co-parent. I had always told her that it would not happen. If we get a divorce, it will be nasty and mean as divorce is a distructive process. I will not play into the delusion that it can be handled nice and friendly. I believed it then and especially believe that now that I discovered there are other parties involved.

I think my boys would want me to treat her as my wife, the most important woman in my life. She has been for the last 12 years. She said I didn't make her feel that way and have been blaming me for that the past 8 months. That does excuse the violation of the vows and trust. That is crap.

I will not be mean to her in front of the boys, but the hugs, touches, massages, kisses and looks of love will not be there either.

In my mind, she is the babysitter. One that I am trying to fire.....