Quote: And you will wake up feeling better. Refreshed and revivied right?
thing is, it is the years of raising young children that often puts much stress on a r...that is where I am with a two year old and a four year old.
sleep?????????? what the heck is that????? the kids are in bed by 8 (usually) and if I go to bed a 10 that's but two hours for me to do whatever I want..wich may include catching up on some laundry or other task that is difficult with the kiddos underfoot...and let's not forget the only time LL can take a shower is when the kids are asleep and can be left alone for ten min without the roof falling in (or a big ole mess being made) dd wakes most every morning around 5 am and not happy as she really isn't ready to wake at that hour...last night she woke at 2 am but not before I was already awoken by the wind blowing out the power thus sending the alarm system into a constant beep...wich of course I had to go attend to while h just rolled over.
I'm tired and I'm tired of being tired...life is difficult enough and full of enough questions that I think it extremely unfair that I should have the added burden of what h has put me through.
Quote: I'm tired and I'm tired of being tired...life is difficult enough and full of enough questions that I think it extremely unfair that I should have the added burden of what h has put me through.
It is extremely unfair. Absolutely. That is why you should be incredibly proud that you have come this far in your M so that your wonderful children can have a FAMILY. I feel your tiredness. Bone aching tired. And I know that sometimes the future seems to be missing a lot of what we would like to see out there. So, that being said, do what Sage ALWAYS advises... think about this moment, what is so bad about IT? One moment, one day at a time, LL. You ARE an inspiration to us all. Don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough worries of its own.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: I'm tired and I'm tired of being tired...life is difficult enough and full of enough questions that I think it extremely unfair that I should have the added burden of what h has put me through.
It is extremely unfair. Absolutely. That is why you should be incredibly proud that you have come this far in your M so that your wonderful children can have a FAMILY. I feel your tiredness. Bone aching tired. And I know that sometimes the future seems to be missing a lot of what we would like to see out there. So, that being said, do what Sage ALWAYS advises... think about this moment, what is so bad about IT? One moment, one day at a time, LL. You ARE an inspiration to us all. Don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough worries of its own.
nothing is so terrible about this moment or this day or any other day for that matter....
it is simply the same old tunnel that I walk down over and over again....
I was given a glimpse of what a happy family life could be like with h...
when he first came home...each night he would play with son and dd and sometimes I'd join in...I had time for me, without having to give h enough time to settle in first.
now it seems that h is back to using the exuse of being tired...
he doesn't always play with son when he gets home but instead sit's here at the puter reading the weather or sports or lies in the dark on the couch in this room on the phone with his buddie (and yes it's his male buddie) leaving son to occupy himself with tv till it's time for bed.
last night though h did come home early...and did want to play with son...son didn't cooperate and it turned into a crying match between dd and s for about an hour...very frustrating but I suppose if h had kept up with playing with son even just a few times a week the reaction would not have been so neg.
then add to it my resentful feelings over wtf now after months of expecting son to just sit and watch tv while you unwind do you decide to play with him????
then of course my having to wake every morning with dd despite the fact that h always complains about not being able to get out of bed....well h she's waking you up why not get up and let me catch an extra 20 min??? ah but no you stopped doing that too so now this am when I asked you to and you gruntingly did..she didn't want you to so she cried and kept crying but you didn't bother to do anything to appease her..instead you just dumped her on the couch crying infront of the tv so that you could escape into internet weather radars. And gee you did after all get up early so why couldn't you spend 5 min with us??? instead of just running out the door as normal???
I don't want to be angry or feel resentment toward h as I know it will get me no where...but how am I supposed to feel?? just do it all and suck it up like a mother is supposed to?
so I im your phone and give you nothing more than an immature ppppbbbblllll! eventualy you call and leave a message with the same sentiment only I think yours was with more of a smile, infact I believe you thought I was being cute, maybe I was...maybe what I really wanted to tear you a new [censored] but know where that'll get me..it sickens me how ignorant you have once again become to the fact that I am also working here and have feelings..ah but we all now know that you needent worry bout that as I'm not the one who'll find someone else and leave you with the kids..that after all is your style not mine.
ok so as is typically the case...I come here and spew out some venim..feel a bit better just having screamed a bit (even if only virtually) then when h did call me (and no I wasn't down simply because he didn't call) I was able to not try and pull him into my mood but rather allowed his conversation to pull me out of my slump.
I like it when h complains about his customers to me...or complains about anything for that matter...h never was much of a complainer more a take it as it comes kinda guy..so his venting to me is a window into him and I appreciate it. and yes I was sure to thank him for the call despite the fact that the kids were in the back ground distracting me with their sibling difficulties at that moment.
You are home! I don't even have a home now. You've done enough studying, it's not your H's job to make you happy, you have to make yourself happy! And I don't mean with your big johnson either. I mean by having a fulfilling life with your kids and family. Your H is home too, make the best of it. My kids grew up so fast it is unbelivable! Enjoy every second! When they are grown, then you can dump the SOB and become a WAW! Hell, it's acceptable now a days: get married, have kids, raise them, get divorced!
You are home! I don't even have a home now. You've done enough studying, it's not your H's job to make you happy, you have to make yourself happy! And I don't mean with your big johnson either. I mean by having a fulfilling life with your kids and family. Your H is home too, make the best of it. My kids grew up so fast it is unbelivable! Enjoy every second! When they are grown, then you can dump the SOB and become a WAW! Hell, it's acceptable now a days: get married, have kids, raise them, get divorced!
that tony, is exactly what I'm trying to avoid... if I simply go about making myself happy and enjoying the family with my children and h stays just the breadwinner and sometimes partner and father then eventually will I tire of this m? will I reach a point where I say enough is enough...I've put in my dues...I raised the family now it's time for me to have a full and involved r with another adult? will h by then have grown and realized there's more to life than work and football? or will he stay the same and I'll just move on and away from him?
No you shouldn't be satisfied with the status quo. You need to fight for a better r. Keep changing and encouraging h to meet you, grow with you. Don't give up hope until he tells you to your face it's over.
No you shouldn't be satisfied with the status quo. You need to fight for a better r. Keep changing and encouraging h to meet you, grow with you. Don't give up hope until he tells you to your face it's over.
Cindy
it's not over at all in his mind...as far as I can tell from him...he's as happy as can be (well other than when the kids are acting up) with his life and doesn't seem that there is anything lacking in it for him (though that is the way I thought of him before I discovered his "friendship" with ow...so then he must be missing something as I don't think he is seeking that kind of r from me or perhaps he's just resided himself to the "family" life as well)
there's little to fight for...as I am full aware of the fact that I can have my own life and can do things that make me happy been through the cylce plenty of times before...but making myself happy completely independantly of h is in my opinion a waist of a m..why bother to be married if you live seperate lives and what excites you and keeps you happy does not include the spouse at least most of the time?
Go get the book titled Couple Fits. You have an avoidant for an h...as the book will tell you. You can get some helpful pointers on how to deal with his behavior.
know what you struggle with...I did the same with my h for 7 years to no avail (not to say that you may not have better results) before I had enough and moved out...then filed for d. He remains the same so losing us did nothing to fire him up to get off the couch and away from the TV!!! I'm sorry you are struggling this same way. But maybe reading the book will help you. I read it too late to do us any good.
