Last night was a strange one for sure. Just noting it as my thoughts are on it.
When I got home, W was in the kitchen, but when I was around, she was just standing around with her hands in her pockets and wouldn't even look at me.
Later, she had to run SS17 to his fathers house, and when she came back, she still wasn't talking. I didn't push or pursue, just noting this for msyelf.
She went straight to the computer and put on some headphones to do some meditation. She took them off once, to tell me there was some dinner for me, I thanked her and asked if anything else was shakin' for today. She just said, 'nothing' and put her headphones back on.
Ok, I had to try real hard not to get drawn into mind reading, etc. So, I am just doing my own thing, I can't know what she's thinking or doing, and since the whole night was odd, let her do her own thing.
It was so odd, her body language and demeanor after the last few days when she seemed to be trying to be around me, especially given that she canceled the meeting.
Oh well, now that I have written it down, I don't want to get drawn back into story telling past/future thinking mode, so got to focus on me and what I am doing today, and only in the 'now'
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
What goes up must come down. She had some positive days, so her pull back should be expected. Just do what you are doing well - give her space and keep living your life. Good time for a visible GAL activity.
Man, it seems like W is out to try and p!ss me off tonight, so I am retreating to my room so I don't say or do something stupid.
Just venting, but I just got a bunch of cr*ap for turning the TV station to watch the game after putting d8 to bed when my W had been listening to her ipod and writing something. She then goes upstairs and comes back down after changing and just changes the channel while I am in the middle of watching something..
What the h*ll???
I just wished her good night, and went upstairs. I am sure she can tell I am upset, and I am sure she is happy that I am. I can just hear her, see, I told you he couldn't change?
Sorry, just venting need to move past this, and get back to something good for me, but damn that just pisses me off, just her attitude about the whole thing...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Hmm. I have been thinking about why I was so ticked at her actions, and think I had been letting myself slip back toward attachment.
Need to double up on detachment efforts, stop watching what she is doing, and stop reacting again.
Just need some reinforcement to myself, I think I am doing better at this, in fact it was not long before I was fine and happy again last night, even had to go back downstairs to grab something, and was positive in my interaction with her again, and really did wish her a good night after..
Now, plans for myself and d8 for this weekend. Although, W made plans for dinner on Sunday at our house with a few of her friends, and I am supposed to be there for that...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Spent Saturday working around house, then playing around with d8 a bit, took her out food shopping, then came home to change and was going to take d8 out for dinner. Told W she was welcome to come. She declined. No problem.
Took d8 out clothes shopping, and bought some new shirts for myself, as my old ones are sagging on me now that I have lost 30+ pds. Felt good to grab a smaller size shirt and have it not look that bad on me..
Had dinner and good time with d8, then came home, put her to bed, and watched "I love you, man" on dvd, and W watched it with me. Laughed throughout it, and so did W, then off to our separate beds, but before, since we are supposed to go do some more food shopping for party, I asked W if she wanted to join d8 and I out for brunch first. She accepted.
This AM though, she changed her mind, went to sit at coffee shop then go workout, and said she won't be joining us. Oh well, that's her choice, not going to let it bother me, and it doesn't.
Going to take d8 to play some tennis then grab breakfast with her, and then come back for party at our house.
I did notice that W has bought a bunch more plastic bins to start packing her stuff. Eh, whatever, that doesn't bother me right now either. I saw them, and when I didn't feel that emotional drop, I thought that was kind of odd in itself. Before typing this up, I spent a couple minutes thinking about it, and wonder why it didn't bother me so much.
I am going to attribute it to detaching a bit more, only thing that makes sense.
I did find another resource that I wanted to note, for those of you that think there SO is going through MLC:
