Divorce not busted 2

[Orich]

Yeah, I have issues. Co-dependancy and low self esteem chief among them. This is one thing we talk about in therapy. It is also hard for me to open up in therapy, because I have a problem with therapy. I always believed that a man should be able to take care of things on his own. It took a lot just for me to admit I have issues.
So, we talk about my co-dependancy and ways to break out of it. I am not fully out of it yet, thus my problems detaching.
We also talk about my R with W. He gives me advice that is different than what I get here, so I am trying to either find one that works better than the other, or a fine line of a combination of both. He believes in communication. He wants W and I to talk about our R. When she does something like go to a concert without me, I should let her know that it upsets me. Isn't that pursuing? He suggests that she has sexual urges as well, so I should at least be tentatively trying to initiate sex. Is that clingy and needy?
Basically he is saying to do the opposite of going dark. So, I am confused. To add to this confusion, W is often suggesting plans to do family things. Tonight we are taking the boys to a carnival. In two weeks she wants to book a trip to Mystic, CT. to take the boys to the seaport and aquarium. When we are doing things as a family, she becomes closer to me, we interact with each other in ways that we used to. So, is it wrong to encourage these times together?
Please understand, I do know what you all are telling me about detaching, and I do see where I am clinging. But there is evidence of possible re-connection in these other paths or instances.
I used to tell W when we were first together how surprised but happy that a woman like her could fall for a guy like me. I told her I married up. And I really meant it. Through therapy, I no longer feel that strongly. I know I am a good person, a person of worth, and that any woman would be lucky to have me. And if I didn't want my wife so much, I would be able to put myself out there and start reeling in the women who were interested in me. But that's the point. Am I delusional, or do I really want the woman I have. What I mean is, I don't believe that I want to stay married because I found someone who would take me. This woman likes me, so I better hold on to her for dear life or else I'll be alone for the rest of my life. But maybe my brain is so wrapped up in co-dependancy that that I only believe I want my wife instead of the truth that I don't want to be alone.
I don't think that is where I am. Someone started a thread where we were to list the things that are positive in our spouses. I could have written a novel. My wife is a wonderful woman with whom I love to be around. She is the one I want to be with over all the other ones. I don't know if this sounds clingy, but it is true.
All that being said, I'm sure that she perceives me as being clingy or pursuing. That is the line I am trying to learn how to walk. Keep myself from going overboard, but keep her interested in the family, which seems to trigger her interest in me. Isn't that the goal? Have the WAS interested in us again?
You know what? I am a nice guy. Too nice? Probably. There are times where I should and will in the future put my foot down. I have let myself be walked on before, but not now.
With my spiritual director, I examine my current relationship with God. How I pray to him, what I believe about him, and what is his plan for me. We talk about how this situation affects my relationship with God as well. I believe he has called me for something special, and I thought it was to ordained ministry. Now, I believe that might not be what the calling was, so I discern his calling with my spiritual director.
My wife did in fact carry most of the responsibility for the house. But with the exception of the bills which she refuses to relinquish or even share control of, she has very little to concern herself with now. I am running the household. From routine stuff to major maintenance and repairs, I am handling it all. She still cleans and dusts when she feels the need, but I have my own schedule of windows, filter changing, garbage removal, etc. Her dad and I have become very close, we spend more time together than I do with my wife. She doesn't have to worry about him being lonely, and I am close enough to monitor his health discreetly.
Finally, the hardest thing I have to do is NOT try and ease her pain or fix her problem. Yeah, she is hurting, too. Partly because of me and I fully own up to that, but also partly because of life's circumstances. As her husband, I want to comfort her, help her heal, solve her problems. I can't do that in this instance, and it is a hard instinct to fight.
This isn't a rebuttal. I know I have work to do, and still more changes to make in myself. After all of your stinging retorts, and the advice of my IC, I realize I can no longer wait in limbo. I am still hoping for some re-connection at our Retrouvaille weekend, but I am not going to just sit around and wait till then. I am going to be implementing more DB technics between now and then, and will rely on you guys for advice on fine tuning my approach as I update.
I plan on spending some time re-reading my past posts as recommended. Hopefully I will identify what you are pointing out to me and help make it clear in my mind what I could be doing better.
I believe I can change. I have made major changes in myself up till now, so I should be able to continue. My biggest challenge is detaching. I would ask that you all continue to visit my thread and continue to critique my methods. Don't give up on me, I realize you must feel like you are banging your head against a wall.
Thank you.