Yeah but you pay when your lazy butt has been lounging around all summer then you have to get up 4 hours earlier than normal!!! LOL I'm so tired and all we did was sit in meetings.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Throughout all of this I have never seen or heard so much "crisis code, double talk, contradictions or whatever you want to call it.
She has never been so wishy washy, back and forth, and just plain confused. I have heard everything from both ends of the spectrum, sometimes even in the same sentence.
I am still and will always be one of her best friends?? I pay these types of statements no mind. I thought it was impossible to figure out before, this is so much worse. She still has a ways to go. Nothing and I mean NOTHING, makes ANY sense right now.
The last time I saw her I was nice and upbeat but just a tad more distant. Her crisis radar picked up on it and I was hit with her favorite often used projection that has been there all along. Your just like a ping pong ball, your all over the place.
Not this time sweetie......
I was very calm and kind and began to point out all of her confusing, misleading contradictions. I said it is you that has not been clear. I began to quote many of the jacked up statements I have heard this past week or two.
There was no anger from her whatsoever. She simply sat there for a moment. There was nothing she could say. It wasn't long before she agreed with me and apologized. (that was a surprise.) I told her thank you after she apologized.
I then gave her a clear statement but it was in sort of a crisis code language of my own. I said, what you just accused me of is just like the way things were last year, and I can not, and will not go back to that place or the way things were then. She agreed.
Right after this conversation took place she dropped the kids off at my place for my mother to watch. She told my mom she missed her and the family and then gave my mom her phone number and asked for hers. Why? Who knows?
I received another call from her yesterday, the kids and I were out playing. She said she was thinking of them and was wondering how my daughter was doing after her Dr.'s appt. It was a check up mind you. A check up in which SHE took her to. She never calls like this and at the end of her message she says "I love you guys." Again.....who knows?
There has been more going on. We have had a few conversations, but she still isn't there and is very confused. I have been calm, kind and understanding. However the OM is still very much in the picture. Now is not the time to be "best friends" like she desires.
I am really beginning to see that the further and further away I pull the more she tries to keep me in her grasp. She can no longer hide so much of this crazy stuff like she used to. She can't hold the act up anywhere close to what she could before.
The statement I made seemed to instill a bit of fear in her. That was not my intention. I said it for me, because I will not go backward and I will continue to be strong and move forward and I will be very clear on that.
Bravo! You definitely do not want to go backwards...keeping look ahead and continue moving foward! You did a very nice job of explaining to her about the ping ponging. In her own little way, her projection about you ping ponging sent the ball right into the shoot. I'm glad you finally were able to sit her down and explain where you are at right this moment.
I'm proud of you! You handled the situation in a careful, but gracious way. Now, it's time for her to figure out what she wants and start moving on it. Actions always speak louder than words. She's got a ways to go, but she now knows where you are coming from.
Enjoy your time w/your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It has been a little awkward at first and I wouldn't even think of bringing up that projection last year. I would have been wasting my breath.
Now, I do see some positive changes in her and I have complimented her on them too. The anger is gone. I feel as though she is feeling her way along, almost as if she has to relearn many things. All I can do is show her how I would like to be treated. I look at this differently now, I think I would like to have her back healthy and whole, but the ball is in her court on that one.
It's definitely a balancing act. I'm trying to be as kind and understanding as I can be but firm when it is called for. I do feel what is taking place right now is sinking in on some sort of level when it comes to her.
I have some serious hurdles ahead of me in the next few months and it's time to focus on them. I will continue to pray for her regardless of what happens, even if we never do get back together it would be wonderful for her to pull through this.
Time to keep on living life and be totally open to whatever lies ahead.
Hey there Trapt, I hope you are doing okay; please excuse the semi-hijack...
Trapt, Mach, Snodderly, any of you longtimers and/or gentlemen who have gotten your heads around all of this...I was just over in Newcomers traveling around, as though I didn't have enough to do, and I came across a thread in which some of the responses (especially the later ones) to the poster whose thread it is were so merciless (and from some surprising sources) that it just made my blood pressure spike, which is quite an accomplishment.
I fully agreed that the newbie whose thread it is needed some redirection of his approach, but some of what was written to him was downright cruel, in my opinion, and some of the advice was quite anti-DB. I wrote a response, but I was so mad that I didn't think I should post it. I don't know if this is just pushing some kind of a button for me somehow, and I am blowing it way out of proportion in my mind, or if others will agree with my take on the responses to him.
Would you folks mind going over and posting to this poor confused guy, who may be doing everything all wrong in DB terms but also seems to be getting shot at from every direction on top of it? I need to cool down before I say anything on his thread because otherwise I am going to be ripping into some of the people who have responded to him. Here's the link to his thread:
I know you all will be able to give kinder and more balanced and helpful advice than some of what has been posted to him thus far. Now I remember why I haven't been to Newcomers in yonks.
Thanks very much for humoring me and my request!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
