Divorce not busted 2

[cat04]

O-

I just wanted to hug Sandi after reading her post to you. Unfortunately sometimes we have to hear things the hard way.

I have always agreed with Sandi on the fact that you are so kind (for lack of a better word). Too kind for your own good I think.

I wanted to ask you something and now may be a good time. But I want you to answer it, not just thank me, as I know you have been very good and not answering people's questions to you here.

What do you talk about in therapy? In your sessions with the nuns? In you conversations with the priests? Not necessarily looking for details but do you only talk about your M and W?

You have some issues. You, I and others have identified them. Areas that you could really work on. Things that will help you detatch, even if you don't realize it, things that will help you clear out the old junk, and make you a bigger, better, stronger Orich. Then you will be more able to really tackle this M, but you might not have to focus on it so much because you will be different and that MIGHT be all the change that is necessary.

And then you might be able to view your W differently. Right now I still feel like you just want her to snap out of this. But O, you have been doing this for a while now, and you see she isn't just going to simply snap out of it.

Yes some of the stuff she is doing is BS (to use your words). But you know what, right now, she is doing what she wants to do. What makes her feel good and she isn't so worried about your opinion. She is changing. You are going to have to change as well or she will more than likely leave you in the dust. And believe me, no matter what her convictions are/were, she will do things you probably never imagined she would do because she is searching for something. Don't get paranoid now, but you are going to have to accept this, even if you don't like it, even if it screams of disrespect, and maybe, just maybe if you grow too, you and she will laugh about all of this in 50 years. If you even remember it then.

Your wife sounds like she has always carried the responsibility for the home, kids, her elderly father. That is a lot. She then experienced a whole bunch of loss pretty quickly. A ton of stuff. She is wanting and needing something different. Part of it is support from you. Part of it is something for herself that maybe is not family related at all. Part of it may just be a break.

O-you remind me of a very good friend of mine. A very nice man. A civil servant. He came here last year. He was willing to try things to "make his W happy again." But he couldn't step outside of himself enough to look at what he really needed to. Guess what he is doing now a year later? Preparing D papers because she is gone. Yes she too had issues that she needed to work on. Yes, she was not perfect in the M. But the truth is, she is planning a future for herself, even if it is alone, and he hasn't changed in one bit.

We have a saying in MLC forum, this is not just the journey of the MLCer, it sets us all on our own journey of learning. IF we choose to take it.

O-go back and reread your threads. Read them like you are a stranger. Then really and truly begin your journey.