1. ILYBNILWY 2. I don't have a clue who I am or who we are 3. "Friend" who isn't more than friend, but someone close 4. I want to move out, I don't want to move out 5. I am good at nothing 6. you are too controlling 7. change in physical appearance/shaving private parts 8. obsession with making sure I want him during sex 9. feels unimportant at home 10. anger, anger, and more anger 11. needing space 12. buying toys, gadgets 13. acting like 5 year old with mother 14. wanting to go back in time when no responsibilities
Not sure how to do this quote thing, Cat, but just had to put up this list of MLC symptoms again.So damned accurate!
On the 5 year old with Mother thing(and yup, my H has an uber controlling mother too-I noticed H buying himself the types of foods that were popular when he was growing up-particular types of biscuits(cookies, to you), tinned fruit, bread, breakfast cereal that they would have eaten when he was growing up! real regression stuff.
Hey Mach wonder if your W was buying the types of make up, cheap perfume her new gfs are going for?Or stuff she used to wear when she was younger?
As for change of friends/friend abandonment thing... H has truly isolated himself. No one calls here looking for him, he says he deliberately avoids people. On the other hand he changed job to working in a much younger office maybe six years ago.That marked a downward spiral IMHO as he was fascinated by all the talk about spas, make up, brazilian waxes, nights out that the young crowd were into.
Like you Cat, I confronted OW. In H`s office. Yeah, I got a kick outta that-I was waaayyy stuck in anger mode then. Wouldn`t be rushing off to do that again. In fact I`ve dropped the anger thing anyhow. Way too draining on me. Way too destructive for all of us.
Been to FL four times Cat!Loved Merritt Island, the state parks, Cape Canaveral,the beaches, the shopping, the heat!
Ok maybe there`s an FL connection with MLC.... Something in the water, perhaps?!
Yea I know the anger all too well. I wouldn't confront now out of anger. Just simply to let her know I existed and like I said good luck, because when this is done, I won't do it again. I know they all knew about me and s, especially since H said all he did was talk about his feelings here (yea right) and they all wanted to help, offer advice about "dating" his W, etc...But I found it sort of ironic that even though they were trying to "help" him, when I confronted them, not a single one wanted to decide to leave him alone. I guess he is just so pathetic.....
What else I find ironic is that I did warn them all of his real ways, and they all ended up seeing it. I guess maybe I was the only one who actually loved him enough to stick around. I'm sure it was a combination of love and my own issues that kept me here in the beginning. Now it is just love.
No the anger isn't good for any of us but it does help through the rough spots in a way.
You know what, they put so much crap in the water here it might have something to do with it LOL! I haven't actually been to any of the places you mentioned but I do love Daytona. Ft. Lauderdale and Miami were overrated IMO.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Couldn`t remember this am but it was Daytona we were at last year! Yeah, great place!
Another thing I was wondering Cat is about the `be mysterious` rule. I haven`t been doin` that in quite a while-too busy with everything else around here!
How have you been doin with that? Like, it wouldn`t do our H`s any harm to see we might go have fun.(and really I just might you know. Just seriously toying with the idea and the prospect of that can cheer me up no end)
Wow, that has been on my mind since I read Sandi's post last night.
I'm not really mysterious. I'm not really all that interesting to be honest. I used to sew, cook, mother, care for house, and work. Now I mother, sort of care for house, and work. REALLY MYSTERIOUS. I hide nothing and I have nothing to hide.
Of course, H might tell you the opposite. As he has accused me of hiding everything from the toilet paper to money in these last few years. Can we say PARANOIA? That has gotten better though. I really became very open, if that was any more possible, when the accusations and questions started. A penny by penny breakdown of the cash, my cell phone announces the callers name (nifty little thing that I actually couldn't figure out how to turn off LOL, so not intentional), and I don't hide where I am going. Of course, over time, I have stopped telling him the minute by minute of my day if he is not here, simply because it is unnecessary but my S always knows where I am (H works in the city and I am local) and H has recently started asking S where I am if I'm not home. An odd thing happened the other day, I was sitting in my bed after my shower in my summer robe which is very skimpy, and H asked me if I was going to work or not. He hasn't asked me that in a year. So maybe I am being a little mysterious, I don't know. Have to give it some more thought.
You know, I don't want him more paranoid than he was so I didn't want to hide anything that might be misconstrued as anything. Does that make sense? Crazy these MLCer's, a whole different ball of wax.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I was just thinking about the mysterious thing, too. I had been trying and then let it slide but the past few days have been trying again since he seems to be getting a bit more curious and nosy. Will try to think of some new things.:)
Also, I decided I didn't want to do anything that might seem like there is an OM because that is something he knows I don't think is acceptable for him, so I shouldn't even pretend it is for me, either.
I'm not really mysterious. I'm not really all that interesting to be honest. I used to sew, cook, mother, care for house, and work. Now I mother, sort of care for house, and work. REALLY MYSTERIOUS. I hide nothing and I have nothing to hide.
Cat... For some reason, this literally made me LOL! Hhahaha
I feel like you do. I'm about as UNmysterious as they come!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
That is not a down on myself either. Just a simple person. I really do like myself and maybe when some of my larger projects are completed as I finally got the Umph back to tackle them, I will then go back to the sewing.
I've been staying away from the cooking because all of this helped me lose 40 lbs and I don't want to put it back on, even though I love to cook. But I'm not an eater, I'm a taster.
TIF,
Yes when you see changes it makes you change as well. Which is why if he wants to know, I tell him. Of course I prefer it over the snooping and possible misunderstandings it might bring. Especially since my H has a tendency to just mull it over in his mind until he decides what whatever it was means/is and then no matter what I do or say, even if I have black and white proof (like a bank statement) he doesn't believe it. So the most mysterious thing I really do is take a bath without telling anyone I'm going to do it. Maybe I should step that up a little.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Cat, I know in general I don't have a whole lot of time to be "myseterious" either - too busy trying to keep up with the day to day but I am changing up little things. If he asks where I am/have been I will tell him as it is not a secret but don't volunteer necessarily. Interestingly, he called me the other night and I was a bit evasive about where I had been and it seemed to irritate him a bit.
I`ve been thinking about this mystery thing since.
I think you mentioned some time ago that your H encouraged your EA(forgive me if I`m confusing you with someone else though!)
It struck me because recently-maybe three weeks ago-my H told me to go on ahead and have an affair. I think his reasoning there is that he wouldn`t feel guilty about his A if I had one too. and could also blame me for destroying the M.
I think he`s already mystified by the changes in me. I don`t get mad and confrontational like I used to. I`m calm. He can`t find a button to push anywhere.
I`m looking good(hey, congrats you on your amazing weightloss!) I`m doing lots of 180s.
Maybe all that`s just fuel to his fire. And maybe its enough mystery for now!
