Quote: I'm tired and I'm tired of being tired...life is difficult enough and full of enough questions that I think it extremely unfair that I should have the added burden of what h has put me through.
It is extremely unfair. Absolutely. That is why you should be incredibly proud that you have come this far in your M so that your wonderful children can have a FAMILY. I feel your tiredness. Bone aching tired. And I know that sometimes the future seems to be missing a lot of what we would like to see out there. So, that being said, do what Sage ALWAYS advises... think about this moment, what is so bad about IT? One moment, one day at a time, LL. You ARE an inspiration to us all. Don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough worries of its own.
nothing is so terrible about this moment or this day or any other day for that matter....
it is simply the same old tunnel that I walk down over and over again....
I was given a glimpse of what a happy family life could be like with h...
when he first came home...each night he would play with son and dd and sometimes I'd join in...I had time for me, without having to give h enough time to settle in first.
now it seems that h is back to using the exuse of being tired...
he doesn't always play with son when he gets home but instead sit's here at the puter reading the weather or sports or lies in the dark on the couch in this room on the phone with his buddie (and yes it's his male buddie) leaving son to occupy himself with tv till it's time for bed.
last night though h did come home early...and did want to play with son...son didn't cooperate and it turned into a crying match between dd and s for about an hour...very frustrating but I suppose if h had kept up with playing with son even just a few times a week the reaction would not have been so neg.
then add to it my resentful feelings over wtf now after months of expecting son to just sit and watch tv while you unwind do you decide to play with him????
then of course my having to wake every morning with dd despite the fact that h always complains about not being able to get out of bed....well h she's waking you up why not get up and let me catch an extra 20 min??? ah but no you stopped doing that too so now this am when I asked you to and you gruntingly did..she didn't want you to so she cried and kept crying but you didn't bother to do anything to appease her..instead you just dumped her on the couch crying infront of the tv so that you could escape into internet weather radars. And gee you did after all get up early so why couldn't you spend 5 min with us??? instead of just running out the door as normal???
I don't want to be angry or feel resentment toward h as I know it will get me no where...but how am I supposed to feel?? just do it all and suck it up like a mother is supposed to?
so I im your phone and give you nothing more than an immature ppppbbbblllll! eventualy you call and leave a message with the same sentiment only I think yours was with more of a smile, infact I believe you thought I was being cute, maybe I was...maybe what I really wanted to tear you a new [censored] but know where that'll get me..it sickens me how ignorant you have once again become to the fact that I am also working here and have feelings..ah but we all now know that you needent worry bout that as I'm not the one who'll find someone else and leave you with the kids..that after all is your style not mine.
