WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[MrBond]

cipa,

One thing I learned from my W's reactions which are similar to your W's is that she's operating out of fear.

When she lashes out at you she's doing it out of fear. Fear of being found out, fear of the boy's finding out, the shame the guilt. All of it.

This especially happens to people with low self-esteem which your W has in abundance. Her blaming you was projecting her lack of wanting to deal with her insecurities. It's kind of like a bully. Bullies have low self-esteem and use threats to make them seem "better" than the victims.

There is a saying I ran across on this journey - "Insecure people cut others down to build themselves up".

It's so true.

I think my W is remorseful even though she hasn't apologized for anything. She blamed me for everything with the best of them, but I was detached enough that I knew it wasn't true. Once you stop acknowledging what they are throwing at you and they discover they can't get a reaction out of you, they have no choice but to look inward.

You mentioned how your W was self-conscience about how she was getting fat. Well, if you really wanted to hurt her, that's where to start.

I'm not sympathizing with her at all. I've been through all that crap myself. But I only learned to forgive my W when I learned compassion. Seeing things through her eyes.

MLC is a bitch. Let her mess up her life. You continue to be the rock for the boys.

Prayin' for you.