WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Sandi,

Thanks again for your heartfelt words and support. This community has made a heart crushing experience livable because of people like you.

Right now, it still really hurts. It is really bad nite for me. The only thing that I know that I want is that I want primary custody of the kids with relocation to NY. That is what my lawyer will tell her lawyer on Monday morning.

He will also tell him that I want to file a counter claim of infidelity but is trying to talk me out of the insanity of it (waste of time and money is his legal counsel). He said that if what I want is primary custody of the kids, I should focus my time, energy and resources to that end.

He said it will be a fight and I will have a less than 1 in 4 chance in wining, but he said he would do it if I really wanted to. He recommended trying to just get every weekend, the entire summer (except for 2 weeks) and every holiday (except for alternating Thanksgiving and Xmas)

I do not want the marriage to die but feel that it must. I just do not have the energy anymore to continue the fight. I do not want to sign tomorrow, but will stop asking her to try.

I still get sick and disgusted thinking about the things that she has done with other men that she used to do with me. It also hurts to think of the feelings that she used to share with me are now for others.

I am hurt. Angry. Sad. Disappointed. Regretful. In pain. Resentful. Violated. So much stuff.

Thanks so much for all you have done to try and help me.