Okay, that clears it up better. I never met up with the OM and had an EA...long distance by using the computer, webcam, phone, emails, that sory of thing. But I don't know if it would have hurt my H any more if I had been in a PA. The pain of my betrayal was so bad and the sad thing about it was I couldn't even see what I was doing to him. I had blocked my H out of my life and thoughts until I was engrossed in my fantasy with OM. It sounds so cheap and sick.......and was! But, when I had been on the board for a while, that was how I began to see how deeply I had hurt my own H. It was reading posts from LBH's who talked about their pain and it begin to hit me how much I had hurt him. I think my mind tried to block that out, but I believe I should face it, so I try to allow it to hit me between the eyes. I am so ashamed b/c I hurt a wonderful person who loved me more than life. I messed that up, Deep. I don't think I allow myslef to really ponder how much pain I have caused.
Got to close out, cause I'm not making much sense and I'm getting all teary eyed.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
