WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[Deep]

Hi Sandi, no that is not my meaning. I think to most people, and especially for men, it does matter. An EA spinning into a PA DOES make it worse. Perhaps I put it badly, what I meant was that I knew they had physical contact / kissing even if not full on sex. But it would have been pointless belaboring that point and trying to get all details, particularly in the first few months when things were bad enough as it was.

Mentally, I decided to treat it as an A period, and to just accept that the worst happened. The choice was to move on together or to leave. If ever the day came when the facts of a PA appears, I'm not saying I would like it, but I'm less likely to be affected. Yes, I feel the betrayal itself is already complete with an EA. W is not a slut, and she was not doing it for sex, emotional connection is big for her. A big hurt was the thought she had found a better man to invest herself in, a soulmate that she yearned for more than me. If she had slept with this soulmate, it would have made me feel worse, but in the bigger picture it would have been where he would be in her heart to make it happen to begin with that is painful. And no, I did not feel like this at the start ...

Hope I put it across better somewhat, or at least did not sound more confusing . Sorry for the hijack CIPA.