Orich, as I've told you before, I think you are one of the nice guys, but honest to goodnes I just want to shake you until your liver rattles!! Do you know the number one reason that a wife walks away? B/c her H has not heard her over the years she's tried to get him to listen to her. And....you apparently have not listen to what I have told you....so I am rather discouraged and put out. For one thing, you are so dang hung up on those two letters that she sent you until you can't see, hear, or think about much of anything else. mad You keep going back to that one letter over & over & over again. You jumped on that and you keep clinging to that one little letter and you ignore everything else. I wished you would forget about that second letter she sent saying she regretted the first one. B/c you have simply went downhill, IMO, and become needy and clingy ever since she gave you that line!

Would you answer something for me? What does "detaching" mean to you? You have brought up, again, the connection of detaching with "being cold" and I've tried to tell you that detaching does not mean going cold! mad

I suppose if you don't "get" what it is, then there is no wonder you cannot do it. You haven't come close as I can tell. Maybe the way you act around your W and the way you post here are two very different ways. The fact you can't drop the "ticket" ordeal is a pretty good clue that you aren't detached the proper way. If you were, it would not bother you that she forgot to tell you or that she didn't invite you. You would be planning how you would be spending your time while she's gone to the concert. I bet she isn't even conerned how you will spend your time b/c she's expecting you to babysit!

What do you do to GAL? Don't tell about your kids b/c you need to do something without the kids. What do you do to be mysterious? This is very important. Has she been curious as to where you are going, or what you are "really" doing....why you are out so late and who you may be with? Heck no, she's not! So, are you going to do anything to change that? The only response I remember you giving was that you wanted to spend your time with your kids and you came home late from work, and yada, yada. Sometimes LBS have to make sacrifices for the time being, in order to have a long time in the future!

Your W has nothing to be concerned about. She isn't worried that you are out "looking" around. She isn't wondering if you are dancing with some hot chick. She's not worried that you are flirting with a young pretty thing at some bar. Why? B/c you are so obvious! There is nothing mysterious about you! She has you in a place that is very secure and what's there to be concerned about? Don't you think you need to change the music? What you are doing is not working. Until she gets her attention off herself and onto you, it is a losing battle. Right now, both of you have 100% focus on her. What can you do to get her attention on you and forget about herself?

So what if you have a smoking hot body ... if she isn't interested in it? Until she realizes that somebody else may be interested in you, then you can go work out at the gym till you die with old age and she won't care. Am I suggesting that you date other women? No! Some people here on the board think that LBS should do that and to make your S jealous. I can't suggest that b/c of the way I believe, but you can be mysterious and get her curiousity up--and do it without lying! And...if you've done this I sure missed it!

Quote:
I understand what you are saying. I am sure they make her feel good about herself. However, knowing the person she is and the faith she has, I have a hard time thinking she would actually act on any physical urges with another man, especially a kid.


I'm pretty sure I have talked to you about this, also. In fact, wasn't I very "plain" about my Internet activity with young men? Did I mention that some of them were in their early 20's? One was 19. Any person who has known me all my life would stand up and tell you that Sandi would never, ever do such things that I did! I was a good Christian woman. I had humpteen jobs in my Church and was a woman of "faith". I was a teacher, for crying out loud! In other words, Orich, I was everything you have described about your wife. How can I make you understand? You won't listen! mad It makes me sick when you say things like you said in this quote. How many times do you have to be reminded that she is not that woman any longer? You know what? You are blind b/c you want to be blind. You don't want to know the truth! Not only is she lying to you, but you are lying to yourself. You better wake up and realize that she cares for NOBODY but herself. She thinks of NOBODY but herself. When she said she "forgot" to tell you about the tickets for her & niece...she was probably right, she forgot-- b/c you are never on her mind!

There are many reasons she could have written that "regret" letter to you, and I think I mentioned that before. However, I seriously doubt that it was due to her feeling any regret for thinking about leaving.

I have told you the same things over and over and I don't think you hear any of it b/c you have your head stuck in the sand! Just like you keep your head in the sand where your W is concerned. I tried to be nice to you, but I decided the only way you will pay any attention is to talk like a WAW!

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!