H with 1foot out the door...LONG

[ginab1966]

Well, here's an update on therapy. I spoke about the financial arrangements while he's in the house and how all of our household income needs to go to the household and if he is living there...that means he has to contribute what he always has. If he wants to move out he will have to find funds outside the buget money. His response was that he was upset but that he understood. I thought he would be furious but he's not (or at least doesn't appear to be). I did make the mistake of implying that I knew what my husband was thinking and feeling during therapy and I thought our therapist was going to jump out of his chair and hit me with something. Boy, he really came after me but I think it's just that he knew I was committing marital suicide and he needed to give me a wakeup call. Anyway, my husband said that he would do whatever he had to to get the money for another place. I have to say this infuriated me because we are in 12k worth of debt and he's never once said "I will do whatever I have to do get us out of this hole financially and take care of my family". No, never did I once hear that. So, it's very upsetting that he is now willing to go to any length just to get away from me and our marriage. Now, I also have to realize that he hasn't done anything yet, right now it's all talk. I will say that I held my tounge and did what people are saying. I listened more than I talked (unless the therapist asked a question)

When we left the session I thought he would just not be happy and be all moody and mad but instead he asked me to dinner and he had a great time. He even talked about a possible vacation for us next year. These are the moments when I think his bi-polar diagnosis is right on. The mood swings and changes are just simply out of the blue. However, I was just upbeat about the whole thing and happy and doing my best to be the greener grass sort of me.

We got home, I drove my mom home (my babysitter) and when I got home he was laying down in his room but the door was open a bit (which was nice to see cuz he usually closes it) He called out goodnight to me and that was it.

The therapist hit on something very important tonight that my husband seemed to really think about. The therapist said to H, "You are running away from what you know you dont want. A marriage that has never even been a marriage, where you feel controlled and have no voice or independance in the marriage. You realize that is your own fault but you blame your W and just want out. You don't realize that you could run, instead, into a new kind of marriage where you have all that and more if you are given the proper tools and guidence". This is what I feel is frustrating your W the most. I then said "Yes, I feel so sad that our marriage never got a chance to be the thing we both dreamed it could be. I bare some of the blame for that and it's my hope that our marriage will be given an opportunity for regrowth and that we, as indiviuals will be given the opportunity to heal and grow from the experience." I almost started to cry but I heald it together. H looked over and said "Are you ok"? So we go back next week with the homework of keeping it real and being truthful, even if you think it's going to hurt....be truthful.

I'm so looking forward to getting my book this week. I did get Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil from the library. Figure it couldn't hurt. It seems very focused ont he idea that fixing one's self is the key to fixing one's marriage. So, until I get DR, I'm sure this will give me some good advice. Also, I'll keep coming on and getting as much info as I can.

Thank you to everyone for their support.

Gina b