My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

so in keeping with a theme....I haven't had a thread for awhile--mostly didn't feel I had a lot to offer in terms of encouragement. it's been an incredibly difficult year--emotionally, spiritually, and financially, with a lot of healing and more than a few setbacks. as you can see from my signature, the divorce has been final for months. I have to say that my sitch was probably not typical, because--for whatever reason--my xh was "resolute" (his term) and never wavered, never looked back, never reconsidered for even a moment. dropped the bomb, wanted a divorce immediately, refused any communication not aimed at divorce, and things proceeded accordingly. difficult to DB successfully when the other person doesn't even see you as a human being any more. that's meant to be an encouragement to you newcomers, because my sitch was truly not typical in that way.

life goes on; I wouldn't say life is good, exactly, altho I have learned a lot and grown. it's just so hard to see your child(ren) going thru something awful that you have no control over. and it's even more difficult to have no control over fully half of her life, when she's with her father and--as I recently discovered--the OW who D13 is aware broke up our family. that has been the hardest part. I'm having a very difficult time with this. She thinks OW is "okay," her adult daughters are "almost like having sisters," the horse farm is fun and she is learning to ride. tonight she mentioned she is thinking about competing (they do a lot of this), and my heart is breaking because I will not be able (emotionally) to attend these events. it feels like betrayal, if I'm completely honest, and I am trying hard to feign interest and make it possible for her to share these things with me. but it may be the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Seven months or so post-bomb, I reconnected with an old friend in another state with whom I've had no contact for around 20 years. He crossed my mind one day and I googled him--and there he was. I don't believe in coincidence; his wife--perhaps with borderline personality disorder?--left him the month before xh left me. we've been able to be a very good support for each other--lots of parallel process going on. and we're both bloody, wounded messes, hundreds of miles apart, realizing that there's potential for a wonderful relationship but also knowing now is not the time. the only wise course right now is to pursue the tremendous amount of healing I need to do, lean into a good friendship, and trust that God will take care of the rest. no, I don't need a man in my life to be whole, but my sitch is also atypical in that I am rather uniquely isolated--absolutely no family, lost a lot of friends in the divorce. this connection is healthy, and helpful. years of therapy between us, so at least we're quite conscious of our baggage and issues. and very intentional about being kind to one another, and helping each other heal. no commitment (except never to lose contact again), just getting to know each other and being able to lean on one another from time to time--and not feeling isolated is very helpful.