Trying to face all my fears - Turning my fears into faith
Fear knocked on the door, Faith answered. No one was there.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So you have no value? You're just a mushy pile of stinking, stupid goo?
Try again, and do this for me. When you think of something and that little voice starts to put you down and tell you you're not valuable because of that or whatever, I want you to ask, Is that true? Especially with those always or never or shoulds that creep into your mind.
Begin to question your thoughts instead of accepting them as true. Write a love letter to yourself...I love me because I am not a quitter. I value myself and my marriage. I love my kids, and I know I would do anything in my power to keep them happy and healthy. I have the courage to stand and face this challenge instead of running away. I am continuing to work and provide the best I can for my family.
And so on.
You are valuable because you exist on this planet.
Start questioning that self-talk.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I tried to do this on paper but kept throwing it away so I will try it this way... I like myself... I value my faith, my children, my marriage and parts of me... Would I change some things? Of course, who wouldn't however I am working on it... I love that I am 5'10... I love that I have long legs, blue eyes and real blonde hair... I love that I have a sensitive heart which at times is to big and to giving... I love my smile and what moves me to laugh... I love what my past has made me today... I love that I don't give up... I may try but I always pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward regardless of the circumstances... I am not a quitter and I can honestly say that... I am not a loser... I am worthy of love and respect and tenderness... I am worthy of a man who can love me the way I love him, with his whole heart... A man who would never hurt me for his own selfish reasons... I love that I am healthy as are my children... I love that I woke up this morning, regardless of what is going on, I still have another chance to make this a joyful day... I love that I am sensitive, caring and kind to others... I love that I strive to treat people the way I want to be treated in return... I love that a part of me is ever careful... Just a small part however it protects me from making huge mistakes... I love that I can get deeply in touch with all my emotions at one time, though others around me may not like it I love that I am finally laughing again and the numbness is starting to wear off... I love that I haven't allowed the anger to overtake me... I love that I am trying to put my best foot forward no matter what anyone says to me... I love that I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue... I love the inner peace my children fill me with... I love that God is standing right beside me no matter what, even when I can't feel Him, I know He is right there... I love that I am not ashamed to cry... I love myself...Not just like myself, I love myself... I am a beautiful woman - Holy crap I said it - I am a beautiful woman...
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Serenity, I have never seen you, but I know you are a beautiful woman! Great list, by the way. WHat a great idea.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Now, go back and REREAD what you wrote. *These* are the things you have to work on putting into your head in place of the ugly way your brain talks to you usually. I call that little voice my "muppet," which thinks he knows more than he actually does, and I have to retrain him, reteach him little by little.
A teacher friend of mine says she looks at the negative muppet voice as a call to action...like, it means she doesn't feel strong enough in whatever area Mr. Muppet is talking about, and that means she has to face whatever it is, learn whatever she needs to learn, and redirect the muppet with the new information.
PRINT YOUR LIST OUT. WHENEVER YOU START FEELING BAD/DOUBTFUL/SCARED/WORRIED/ETC., READ IT!
Wear it on your person if you can. In your wallet, somewhere with you all the time. It seems nutty, but there's something about knowing the list is with you, that you can reread it frequently, that helps the negative script start to turn. The first step is becoming aware of that voice and it's lies; the second step is reeducating that voice with the truth.
You ARE beautiful, remember that.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Thank you Orich...I truly appreciate your kind words
SD...
It took me about 2 hours to make this list and once I started, it just flowed... I then took most of the day off to just hang with myself... Went to the mall and bookstore and then found myself in tears at another store... Just walking along looking at stuff and I could feel the burn begin... I wasn't even really thinking of anything in particular... It was like something was set loose inside so I left the store and sat in my car... It wasn't a sobbing, snotty, out of breath cry... Just tears... Healing tears I think because when all was said and done, I felt better then I have in awhile... I didn't think of anything at that point in time, I just let them fall, then I thought of the list... I printed it out and it is in my wallet and I thank you for making me try once again... You are truly a wonderful inspiration to all you encounter
Mini Journal - Went to the gas station last night, was walking back to my car (using my brother's car til I can get one) and I was hit on by a man... I haven't been hit on in forever... He chatted me up and then let me know he was single and I in turn let him know I was married... (He was very respectful but more so when I said I was married... Got in my car and drove off... Then noticed I had a smile on my face... It was a great ego boost for me and made me think of hubby and how he used to say nice things... But this time I didn't get sad when I thought of hubby, I was ok... I saw him today... His tag expires at the end of the month and I had the renewal and instead of wanting me to send it to him in the mail, he met me at the DMV office (and had the same actions as the last few times I have seen him)... Baby steps
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~