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Hi LL...your frustration (especially in the first post) just SCREAMS off of the page. Personally, I think it's TOTALLY justified!!! it IS justified however it is motherhood

But for WHATEVER reason, what you've tried so far to get some changes going in these regards is not working all that well. it is h's business, he has a few times stated that he'd like to start taking a day off mid week or at least work a 1/2 day mid week. That happend in the spring however as the season gets going and the projects start it becomes difficult. I don't think it's any longer a matter of his not understanding it simply becomes a matter of his lack of ability to do so. The past few weeks he's been blowing out sprinkler systems, trying to get that done so we can go away and he wont have that on his mind...then it's on to clean ups and then if it doesn't snow too much he should be back to the pretty cool schedule he had last winter.

Forgive my poor memory, but have you two been to MC? Do you still go? we did go to a few sessions together but it usually ended up being a pissing match and I decided we could argue at home without paying someone to listen.

I don't know how responsive your H is to the idea, but do you think he might be more COMMITTED to some kind of schedule, to SEEING what all of this is doing to you? The uncertainty ?(time of arrival grrr!) the dangling carrots ?(slow time at work)...how MUCH you are overwhelmed with the FULL TIME, primary care-giver, Mothering role (Permission to get a hair cut??? ). He does see it and I'm sure would like to do something about it (thus the promise of slow time comming) but I can also take part of the blame. I don't seek outside help very often and I do have a bit of an ability to do so, my mom lives close enough and only works til 2 each day...I guess I just have it stuck in my head that h should be the one helping out (sort of to keep it fair) but then again most h's do work during the day, just becuase h is his own boss and can stop for a haircut or to buy a new pair of boots during the day doesn't mean he can come all the way home midday to allow me to. in a few short years both kids will be in school all day and if I don't work (wich I wont HAVE to I'll be able to do whatever I want during the day, as long as I don't forget to take care of the house)

Okay, I'll reign it in now...just feeling for you, LL.

Shiny

P.S. One of the reasons I chose not to have children (and never had the desire) was that I was quite sure I would CRUMBLE under the responsibility.

You ARE familiar with the research study that calculated that a stay at home Mom with small kids (two or three, can't recall!!) is working the equivalent of TWO full time jobs!!! h learned alot about what I do all day during our seperation...I left him alone with his children for the first time ever on that fathers day (he called my cell phone 5 times for no reason, can you say scared?) he is pretty good about helping out when he does get home from work...he showers with and puts son to bed every night, he helps clean up dinner and if I do have someplace to go I don't HAVE to put the kids to bed before I leave..he knows he can handle it.

Maybe you should find the source (it was on Dr. Phil), print the study out and hand it to your H, along with a reasonable schedule for UNCHALLENGED and SACRED LL time!!! that would be nice...I'll work on it.

Shiny btw it seems h has come out of his slump again...he initiated two nights in a row...even during football!!