I'm proud of your outlook right now. He knows you were emotionally involved w/someone else b/c you told him you were. Technically, you had an "emotional affair" where you allowed yourself to love a man who truly cared for you.
H on the other hand, had a full-blown affair where he was living a double life.
Now he's mad at you? He's just trying to justify his own actions. He'll continue to run, blame and point fingers. As I've personally come to experience, he's going to continue to do whatever he can to avoid taking a cold, hard look into his own life, issues, and actions.
It is far more easy to blame you than it is to challenge himself to find the flaws and fix them within his own skin.
Rob, he didnt say anything about me. He made a comment about how that all is typical of me... I am not feeling guilty. He was away thinking, in Salzburg, from where I found tenths of pictures of both of them celebrating his birthday.. When he came, he said he wasnt sure what he wanted and I told him I drop the rope right then... The dates and discussions I had with him asking for a divorce are there also. He knows it is bullshit and he sure cant use it. Because then he would have to use also the fact that I gave that up, for him and that W very many times had written to me how he supported my choice to fight for my M...
Well, that's interesting. He acts like he has something, but he really doesn't, I think. Like you said, the second he told you that he wanted to try, you dropped it.
I do think it surprised him. From everything you've said, he took you for granted, I don't really think it ever crossed his mind that someone else might love you. Of course we all know how wrong that is.
I'm assuming you've sealed the security breach, and the account is secure now?
Oh, K. What a pain! To think he has something on you,after all he has done. Ridiculous.
Weather any better today? Could you see the meteor shower the past 2 nights from your side of the world? I never really understand how that stuff works...
Your H is a very sad man. I guess we can only hope for the sake of your children that he'll someday find himself so he can be a good father to them... a REAL man instead of the charlatan he's been over the past three years.
As for your situation, you should have ZERO guilt. None! You had allowed yourself to move on and look for a love you deserved. You did nothing underhanded or dishonest. You've been upfront and straight w/him all along.
I'm glad to see he shut up immediately when you called him on it.
Again, he'll continue to blame you b/c it is easier than trying to fix himself.
It is sad and pathetic when the ones we thought we knew and we all loved so dearly turn out to be fakes. It is amazing they were able to pull it over on all of us for so long and keep up the charade as long as they did.
To that end, those of us who have been burned by partners who have lied, denied, and blamed us for their issues are in a sense guilty of loving blindly and trusting completely.
However, if you ask me, I'm proud of the fact I loved someone enough and trusted them enough to be burned and decieved. I'm proud b/c I would rather be committed and passionate than be insecure and unsure.
We've been put on the short end of the stick, but at least we all understand love and committment and we'll be able to be happy and find real love again. We can't quite say the same thing for our former spouses and that is really the sad and tragic part.
We'll be ok in time but they may never be able to figure it out, find real love and truly be happy.
Even though we are incredibly angry at them for what they've done, we'll always love them and wish for them to do well and be happy.
"We'll always love them and wish for them to do well and be happy". Seriously??? I am no where near that and here I thought I was doing pretty good myself!
Maria, I am amazed at how well you are doing. I suppose practice makes perfect in this case as you have dealt with his stuff for so long. I know that everything is going to turn out as it should for you...absolutely fantastic! Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
That is so completely typical and sh!tty of him to say one word about the emails he found. Par for the course with him and most other WAS's though isn't it. Blame the 'innocent' party because it couldn't possibly be about him, right?
(((Kalni))))
You sweet, wonderful woman! I am so impressed by your fortitude and attitude! YOU GO GIRL! The strength will come back to you quickly, I'm sure.
Love you sunshine!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Your H trying to get stuff on you now will only serve to hasten his exit stage left (with a dainty size 4 foot print on his ass). You've done nothing wrong, and you have nothing to worry about, your family, your friends and the whole cyberworld are behind you. You go go go go girl !!! (((K sunshine)))
On another note I think you first posted to me around the end of 2007 and that post gave me such a lift when I was really down, at this stage in my cycle I pretty much know the direction that I am going and I don't lean on these boards so much for support but I have stuck around cos I wanted to make sure you were ok and you knew the direction life was gonna take you. Life can sometimes be sh*t (in the short term)but your path now lays before you and I just pray it is paved with gold for you and the kids.
Take care
Lan
PS: John (210) to my surprise you also were posting to me around this time.
Thanks guys, Lan my path looks like...sh$t now, dark and lonely...
So the story: yes did change the passwords and security questions. I made my own question : how many times did your H cheat on you. the answer is not in numbers...
He met with our best woman today. Regrets, remorse, guilt, he destroyed the most important R in his life, he was caught in a web of lies, he couldnt stop, I got him to the point that he almost admitted his A but couldnt take the consequences. His kids are above all, he could never separate me and the kids. He was hoping she would end before I would give up and THEN he would work on us. At that point my friend told him he is s selfish bastard, keeping me in lies and eating his cake...
He said he cant say anything about my emails. That he is the last person to judge and that he only read a few and forwarded some to his account to read later. (erased them already LOL) he said he will never use/mention this because it is none of his business.
So, no real answers. He wants to manage to have an R with me for the kids and wishes he can earn my trust again. He will give me the divorce but wants to wait a month so that I calm down.
He agrees to reevaluate money. He doesnt think highly of her and thinks the world of me (yeah right!)... They havent spoken with her since she went to his house.
All and all :BULLSH$T!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I dont feel better damn it!!!! How can I feel "right" again? K
