Kevin, you are ruining your life so that you can go on to blame God for it. It is perverse and distressing to anyone reading here. If that is the "God of your choice," one who is merciless and would prefer to see you and your children suffer and have you suppress your talents and your propensity for true joy then there is truly nothing anyone can say here.
I relate very much, Kevin, to your notion that there is only one acceptable outcome in your situation. But, you know where that was leading me? To near suicide because one in a constant state of discontent and anxiety when you choose a "do or die" mentality regarding something that is completely beyond one's control. And I am not religious at all, so I get that this is an even tougher challenge for you. But, I was digging my heels in so hard. When I saw myself five years from now having operated from that place, I saw myself dead and my kids on crack. I'm not kidding. You are choosing to see your life as worthless without your W and since she is gone and most likely for good, think of what you have coming to you in the next few years if you don't adjust your mindset. It is not pretty and your kids are going to be so damaged.
If your way is so in sync with the Lord and his plan for it, then why aren't you posting here about how gratifying it is for you to follow him? Why don't you recognize every disappointment as your loving God's method of challenging you so you can be an even better man, heck, you could be the perfect man, Jesus incarnate if you believe enough...either stick to your dogma and exemplify to us all how fulfilling and profound this path is or recognize that you are using God as a tool to escape really growing as a person and progressing. The latter is worse than divorce (if you're religious and I'm not). To do things that are destructive and nonsensical and then blame them on your allegiance to God is abhorrent and probably offensive to religious folks. You know, there are so many ways you are violating the tenets of your religion, you just choose divorce as the one that is off limits.
I don't think a single person should post regarding Kevin's wife or answer him when he does. Until he shifts the paradigm in his own mind, this is a depressing exercise in futility. And, I assert once more, that it may not be until he is drunk on some street corner having lost his kids that he "gets it." We are powerless.
